Secret Desire

  “Secret Desire”

  M/M Gay Romance

  Jerry Cole

  © 2020

  Jerry Cole

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This book is intended for Adults (ages 18+) only. The contents may be offensive to some readers. It may contain graphic language, explicit sexual content, and adult situations. May contain scenes of unprotected sex. Please do not read this book if you are offended by content as mentioned above or if you are under the age of 18.

  Please educate yourself on safe sex practices before making potentially life-changing decisions about sex in real life. If you’re not sure where to start, see here: http://www.jerrycoleauthor.com/safe-sex-resources/.

  This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner & are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Products or brand names mentioned are trademarks of their respective holders or companies. The cover uses licensed images & are shown for illustrative purposes only. Any person(s) that may be depicted on the cover are simply models.

  Edition v1.00 (2020.01.15)

  http://www.jerrycoleauthor.com

  Special thanks to the following volunteer readers who helped with proofreading: Jim Adcock, Earleen Gregg, Craig C., RB, JayBee, Jenny, Julian White and those who assisted but wished to be anonymous. Thank you so much for your support.

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  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Epilogue

  Authors Note

  Books by Jerry Cole

  Chapter One

  Matt

  I slipped my jeans on slowly, trying to avoid the aches in my body. I still felt overwhelmed. The hours spent with the man I met at the bar were intense. It was one of the best nights of my college experience. I grinned as I looked around the living room that was lit by the bright sunrise. I grabbed my stuff and shoved my phone and keys into my pocket before heading to the front door, making sure I could lock it on the way out.

  I headed down the hallway to the elevator, pushing the button as I slipped my black beanie over my messy hair. It was a cold Portland morning, and I breathed in the air as I glanced to the right. My apartment at the edge of the campus was a few blocks away. While I was in shape, I still felt exhausted from last night.

  My buddy Brad had his twenty-second birthday party last night at Charley’s, a local club. It was all bars and dance floors with the hottest music. I enjoyed the drinks that the bartender kept giving us. Brad had a lot of friends, and we were having a whole lot of fun. I danced with my friends and mingled with some others before meeting a guy at the outdoor bar. He was handsome, though at least six years older than I was.

  I think his name was Peter and he had an air about him that suggested a maturity that my college friends didn’t possess. He was intelligent, and I got lost in his words as much as his eyes. We had another drink together before he gazed into my eyes and licked his lower lip. Such a subtle gesture sent sparks through my body, and I blinked at him. “I have a place a block away, and it appears that the bar is closing. Want to take this there?”

  “Yeah.” I was no fool and had no plan to turn this man down. College guys were decent in bed, but I wanted some experience tonight. I didn’t know much about him, but it was enough to enjoy a hot night. I’d come out as gay to my family halfway through high school with a loving response, but I was careful about everything otherwise.

  We went to his place and had another beer before he kissed me. Peter kissed me like a man that knew what he wanted and fuck all if I wasn’t turned on more than ever before tonight. He made it clear that he wanted the control tonight, and I was okay with that, submitting to everything he needed.

  I thought back to the night as I got a cab through my phone in the dim morning light. I knew that my sister was home but doubted she was anywhere near awake. She wasn’t a morning person, to begin with, and the fact that I was doing the walk of shame home would make it that much worse. Dahlia worried about me a lot and mothered me. She took the place of our mom that was back in San Diego, and I was sure the two had a lot of conversations about me. I loved my family, but they were involved in my life to a fault sometimes.

  I was relieved when I walked into the living room to see that the apartment was quiet and dark. I smiled with relief and headed to my room to get a few hours of sleep before studying for my test in Design next week. If all went well, I would be graduating with a degree and get a good job, either with a company or doing some freelance work. Dahlia was studying Literature and planned to go into writing with teaching as a backup. My sister was brilliant and focused on school a bit more than I was. However, I did make time to study and keep my grades up. I just balanced it with some fun.

  I slept through the afternoon and woke up to my twin, making dinner. Dahlia had her hair in a messy bun and smiled as she glanced over at me, taking in my disheveled appearance. “Late night?”

  “You know Brad. He likes to celebrate his birthday hard.” I shrugged and reached into the fridge for a bottle of water. “I got some sleep, and it’s time to study after that spaghetti.” I winked at her, and she rolled her eyes that matched mine. There was no doubt that we were twins.

  “I went to bed pretty late, and you weren’t home. Did you go somewhere after the bar?” Dahlia pushed, and I sipped from the bottle with my eyes closed.

  “Fuck. I went home with a guy, Dal. I was careful.” She always got the truth out of me. The curse of twins, I suppose.

  “Matt. You know I want you to be safe. I love that you’re happy being you, but I worry.” She stirred the sauce before turning to face me with wide eyes.

  “I am not that much of a man whore. I promise.” I smiled at her, and she sighed, heading to the fridge for a bottle of wine. “Dal. Come on.”
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  “I have a long night of studying. I need to loosen up.” Her tone was defensive, and I rolled my eyes at her back. She finished dinner, and we sat on the couch while we ate. We had our books piled around us, and I read a page in my book before jotting something down in a notebook. She took our plates despite my offer to wash them, cleaning up quick before returning with another glass of wine. She shot me a glare when I raised a brow at her.

  Chapter Two

  Matt

  I headed off to classes in the morning, grabbing a coffee at the small shop on the corner by my apartment. Dahlia had a later class and fell asleep on the couch. So, I covered her with a blanket before I got a few hours’ sleep of my own. I thanked the barista and walked out, pausing to take a long sip of the steaming liquid.

  Coffee was the only way to start the long day ahead of me.

  I made my way to class and settled in the back row, pulling out my notebook. We were going to go over the remaining test stuff today, and I needed to get everything down.

  I still felt a little twinge of pain from the night before with my sister. She cared deeply for me and voiced that. I had managed to escape too many uncomfortable situations from my casual young life. I knew I was lucky in that sense. I could move past all these times once I graduated and grew into a real adult. Nothing was permanent.

  Our professor rushed through the door, and I glanced at the older woman as she talked on the phone. I could see that she was distraught about something and glanced at the girl beside me as she shot me a puzzled look.

  Professor Davenport ended her call and sighed. “I’m going to get through this for the sake of all of you and the test this week. I should tell you that I won’t be here for it, though.”

  “Is everything okay?” A girl asked from the front of the room, and the teacher smiled softly.

  “There was a death in my family, and I’ll be leaving tomorrow. I am going to have someone cover for me at that time.” There was a murmur of voices in response, and she walked to her desk. “Let’s do this.”

  I took notes as she powered through the class. I admired her strength as I took all the notes I’d have to study for this massive exam. I left the class and dropped by the small coffee shop for another drink, still tired. I glanced across the courtyard and saw someone who looked familiar as I narrowed my eyes.

  Peter. I wondered if he was a student getting a higher degree as I watched him talking to the guy beside him, looking every bit as hot as he did the night we met. It might be awkward running into him, but we were both adults. We had a night of fantastic sex and would both move on. I’d sleep with someone else soon enough and keep on with life.

  I walked to my required psychology class and took a seat in the back. That was my go-to place to sit so I could take it all in without drawing too much attention. I didn’t mind it in most situations, but in class, I dealt with my issue of slight ADHD. I needed to focus as much as possible.

  I went home. Since I arrived at the apartment before Dahlia, I decided to make dinner. I pulled out the ingredients for Marsala and started to brown the chicken breasts as I sipped a beer, thinking back to my Peter sighting earlier today. I left him as I did every other man I slept with, but there was something more there. I didn’t think he felt it, and I left it at what the situation was—a one-night stand and nothing more.

  Dahlia walked in the door and stopped short when she saw me at the stove. “You’re cooking?”

  “I got home early. Why not?” I smiled, and she set her backpack on the couch. My sister ran a hand through her loose waves and joined me, making a salad from the ingredients in our fridge. Dahlia told me about her chat with Mom earlier and how she wanted us home as long as possible for Thanksgiving break. I nodded and plated the chicken as she carried the salad to the table with some salad dressing. Dahlia got a glass of wine and handed me a fresh beer as she smiled at me.

  “Thanks for cooking,” Dahlia said, clicking her glass against the beer bottle.

  I nodded and picked up my fork. I knew that she worried about me and that she discussed it with our mother earlier. They were quite the pair together. I stabbed a cherry tomato and chewed it slowly as I let the peace of the apartment settle in. Dahlia offered to wash the dishes, and I stood and stretched, debating if I was going to study or not tonight. “Fuck.” I knew that I was and took my beer to the couch to get comfortable.

  “You do have the best study habits.” I smiled at my sister, who knew my issues with focus. She dealt with it on a smaller scale herself, and we helped one another through it. Dahlia sat down with me and opened her book, and we settled into our evening routine. My life was so black and white, and I laughed to myself. I was studying with my sister with classical music playing in the background, or I was partying with friends or in some man’s bed. We spent any other time in school or sleeping. What was it going to be like when I soon had a permanent job?

  I pushed that thought out of my head. We studied for a few hours, then I headed to bed because my eyes were sliding closed. I had a later class tomorrow and could sleep in a bit.

  I received a text from Brad who wanted to do something tonight. I knew I had a little extra time. So, I texted back and asked when and where. He answered to meet at Charley’s Bar in about an hour or so.

  I got up and got ready to go out. I needed the distraction from studying and from my thoughts of my hook-up with Peter. I told myself I would go out for a couple of drinks and come back home. That was my plan anyway.

  When I arrived later on and entered the club, the music was blasting away and people were crowded on the dance floor. I made my way to the bar to meet up with Brad. On the way, the music made me begin to sway. I needed to dance off some tension. Actually, I wanted to enjoy my thoughts of Peter. Being back in Charley’s so soon, made the incredible night of unbridled sex stand out in my mind.

  I waved to Brad and gestured that I was going to go dance for a while. After that, the music and the beat just overtook me. I just let myself go and forget about everything and everyone. It was a liberation of the mind and body.

  After what felt like hours, I finally stumbled to the bar for some water, leaning forward as I closed my eyes. I was tired. I blinked as I heard my name and turned my head to see Peter standing beside me.

  “You looked busy out there,” Peter said, with a slight grin on his mouth. He was casually leaning against the bar with his beer in his hand. He’s as hot and sexy as I remembered, I thought to myself.

  “I guess.” I took the water with an appreciative smile at the bartender and sipped it slowly.

  “You’re back,” Peter said, moving a little closer to me.

  “I needed a drink. Hell, I needed to dance. Why lie?” I laughed and nodded.

  “You don’t look like the dancing type.,” Peter took a sip from his beer as he took me in.

  “It’s a change from normal life. It gives me a chance to let loose and hang out with my friends.” I thought he muttered something else and leaned closer.

  “You look just like the guy to be in a place like this. Young and full of energy.” There seemed to be a longing in his voice, and I gazed at him.

  “You talk like you’re ready to go into a nursing home. I happen to know you have a lot of energy as well.” I smiled, and he shrugged.

  “Want to prove it to me?” Peter said, licking his lips in a seductive way.

  After some flirting at the bar, we ended up at his place again, desperate to be back where we were before. I don’t even know who kissed who first, but I moaned as his tongue slid against mine. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept with someone this quickly after the first night.

  I knew nothing about Peter, but I let him push me to my knees on his couch. I let him take me with one hard thrust as he cried out my name. He felt so good, and I closed my eyes as I imagined this man in my future. There was no reason he’d want someone like me since he seemed mature beyond his years, but the fantasy was nice. Maybe it meant that I would want to sett
le down soon.

  ***

  I woke up in the morning in his bed. I blinked, realizing that I must have fallen asleep after one of the many times we had sex. I looked around for a clock and saw a phone in the dim morning light on a table beside me. I reached for it and realized it wasn’t mine as I tried to find the button to turn on the screen. I saw that it was approaching five in the morning and cursed under my breath. I had classes in a few hours.

  I rose slowly and looked around the room. It wasn’t the morning light that lit the room but a small lamp on the table near the phone. It emitted a soft, amber glow, and I stared for a moment before glancing at the man beside me. He was gloriously naked and sleeping soundly.

  “Fuck reality.” I shook my head and rose to dress and leave much the same way I did before.

  I managed to sneak into my apartment and get a couple more hours of sleep. I showered and managed to leave without dealing with my loving but overbearing sister.

  Chapter Three

  Peter

  I shaved in the mirror and tried to pretend I wasn’t a bit nervous. I was starting a new job today and wanted to be in my game, so I took another large sip of coffee.

  I ran a hand through my unruly hair and went to dress in black slacks and a white button-up shirt, leaving a couple of buttons loose. Subbing at a university hardly required a suit, but I was trying for something permanent. I needed to make a good impression, which is why I made a point of going to college to make sure I prepared for today.

  I looked in the mirror and noticed the slight bags under my eyes. Why the hell did I go to the bar last night? It was only supposed to be for one drink to calm my nerves, but then I ran into Matt again. Young, hot Matt. That led to flirting and another unforgettable night of sex. I didn’t do second nights with many men, but he was worth it.