Magic of Love Page 4

  “No, it isn’t that,” Mark replied. “Look, we both clearly have different ideas of what’s going on here. I wasn’t necessarily asking for a date.”

  “Oh.”

  “If you really want me to be honest, then I will be. The truth is you seem kind of lonely to me,” he said. “And I was just trying to tell you that you don’t have to, you know, pay for companionship. I would be happy to spend time with you, as friends, and if that’s what you need instead of someone working on your house, then I totally understand.”

  “So, just to get this straight,” Jon said, trying to keep his voice steady. “You’re willing to sacrifice your new job because you think I’m lonely?”

  “No,” Mark replied. “I’m willing to sacrifice my new job because I don’t think you deserve to be.”

  Chapter Seven

  Mark walked into the house, trying not to run up the stairs and into his room. Even when he was a teenager and living at home, he rarely stormed into his bedroom. Now that he was an adult, it was probably even less appropriate. He still had to fight the urge, closing the door softly behind him, before he clicked the lock into place and threw himself on the bed, face first.

  What had he been thinking?

  He needed the job. If he didn’t want to go back to living with his Aunt Rosa, which he really didn’t, he should have kept his mouth shut. The worst part was that Jon hadn’t been wrong. Mark’s experience had made it perfectly clear that asking out men who considered themselves straight, regardless of how flirty they had been beforehand, was a one-way ticket to Rejectionville. He had tried to be careful around Jon, keeping his opinions to himself and trying to keep the flirting to a minimum. Because that was what they had been doing, whether Jon would admit it or not.

  He took his phone out of his pocket and went online. He had blocked Roger on social media when they had first broken up, but things had changed. A long time had passed since then. He had drifted and tried to make ends meet for over a year, living with considerate friends and distant roommates, but it had never been enough. He had tried desperately to get a job, but no one wanted to hire someone that had been out of work for five years. Especially not when he didn’t even have children as an excuse.

  He found Roger’s profile and clicked on his photograph. Sighing, Mark noted that he looked better than he ever had before. He was smiling and there was a glint in his dark eyes. Mark scrolled past the first picture before he went to the next one. Roger was standing next another man, one who looked just as happy as he was.

  Of course he was.

  Mark threw his phone down on the bed, wondering if he was going to be sick. It made sense that Roger would be doing better than him. Roger was always the one with the money. He was the hot one. It made sense that he would move on before Mark would. The fact that it made sense didn’t stop it from hurting, but Mark knew that he deserved it. If he hadn’t made things awkward with Jon in the first place, he wouldn’t have even known. He had been angry with Roger for so long that he hadn’t even bothered to check up on him. He knew that it would just upset him more.

  He looked around the darkened room before he leaned forward to grab his phone again. He clicked on his Aunt Rosa’s contact card before he could change his mind.

  “You don’t have to leave,” Jon said. He was standing in the living room, his arms crossed over his chest and his back to the door. “You really don’t. I’m so sorry that I made things weird for you.”

  “You didn’t make things weird for me,” Mark replied. “I just — I think I was wrong about you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Look,” Mark replied. “I don’t think you’re the one who is lonely. I think that I’m the one who is. I was obviously getting confused. I’ve never really lived with anyone that isn’t someone I’m, you know, close to. So, yeah, it’s on me. I don’t know how to handle this. Look, my Aunt Rosa lives about a block away, less than five-minute walk, Jon, so don’t worry. I’m still going to work here unless you don’t want me to.”

  “Your salary includes lodging,” Jon replied, looking down at his feet. His heart was racing. This was the last thing that he had wanted. He had been upset about what Mark had said in the car, but only because he had been right. He hated that Mark had been right.

  “My salary makes zero fucking sense,” Mark said. “You can fire me, if you want. I would totally understand if you wanted to.”

  “I’m not going to fire you,” Jon replied. “I’m practically begging you to stay.”

  Mark walked up to him. He had to get very close to Jon before he actually managed to look up and into his face. Jon didn’t even seem angry with him, which made it all worse.

  “I’m really glad I met you,” Mark said, smiling thinly. “And thank you very much for giving me this job.”

  He hesitated for a second before he tried to walk around Jon.

  “Wait,” Jon said. He wasn’t sure what he needed Mark to wait for, but he knew that he had to keep him there for a little longer. Long enough for him to explain himself. “You weren’t wrong. About me.”

  Mark turned back to look at him. He didn’t say anything before he crossed his arms over his chest. Jon took a deep breath, wondering if he could keep his voice from trembling before he continued speaking.

  “You’re not the one who is lonely, I am. I mean, I basically hired a roommate. That’s crazy, right?”

  He looked up at Mark, who said nothing.

  “And I just — you were right, okay? I just wanted a friend. And then when you, I mean, I guess you didn’t ask me out really, I just thought — shit, I don’t know,” Jon said. “I’m sorry, I’m just really confused.”

  “You’re confused,” Mark repeated. There was no anger in his voice. He mostly seemed surprised.

  “Yes,” Jon replied. The words were coming out faster than he could stop them. “Because I realize that I’ve been, I don’t know, sending you mixed signals. And it’s because I have these, like, feelings about you. Like, we just met, but there’s something about the way I feel when I’m around you, like I could tell you anything. I know that’s probably scaring you because it’s kind of weird, but when you asked me to just hang out, it made it real. Like we had this veneer, right? Because you’re my employee. And you live here. So —”

  He didn’t sound like he was in control and that scared him, but for some reason, it also seemed really important that he get it all out. If Mark had to leave, even after hearing everything that he had to say, then that was okay. He could live with that. He wasn’t good at secrets, though, and he knew that he had to get this on the table. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he hadn’t.

  Mark swallowed and looked away from him before he spoke, softly, at the floor. “I’m sorry. That does sound hard.”

  “I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying,” Jon said, shaking his head. “I’m trying to tell you something here.”

  “What are you trying to tell me?”

  Jon looked at him for a few seconds before he exhaled heavily through his nose and walked over to him. He was fairly sure he was shaking by the time he put his cold hand on Mark’s cheek, who was looking at him wide-eyed. “This.”

  It felt like it took him forever to actually get to the kissing. Mark didn’t kiss him back at first, his lips soft against his own, before he wrapped his arms around Jon’s neck and slightly opened his mouth, finally giving in to Jon’s insistent touch. The kiss didn’t stop, though Jon didn’t dare amp up the intensity, as eager as he was. He moved away before he kissed Mark again on the corner of his mouth.

  Mark cleared his throat before he spoke. “What was that for?”

  “I wanted to prove something to myself,” Jon said.

  “Did you?”

  Jon put his hand on his chest before he nodded slowly, trying to stop how fast his heart was going by controlling his breathing. “I think so.”

  Chapter Eight

  Rosa was sitting across from Mark in a lounge chair
, drinking sweet tea and occasionally glancing at the television. “Are you sure you’re okay, dear?”

  At least five minutes had passed since the last time she had asked that. The answer hadn’t changed and the more she kept pushing, the less inclined Mark was to talk to her. Not that he would have talked to her in the first place. As nice as she was, she wouldn’t understand. Of course she knew that he was gay. She had even met Roger a couple of times when they were still going out together. Still, she had made it very clear, when he was a teenager that she would rather not hear anything about his romantic exploits. That probably had nothing to do with the gay thing, since that was something all his cousins and siblings had heard too, when the time came. Since he was the oldest, he was the first one that had heard it, and it always felt like a slight. He had wondered if she was covering up for herself when she told his little brother the same thing and then decided that it didn’t matter.

  “Fine, Aunt Rosa. Do you want more tea?”

  “No,” she said. “If I wanted more tea, I could go get it myself.”

  Mark didn’t say anything. He tried to focus on the television, but it didn’t seem to work. All he could think about was the way that Jon smelled, the way his hands felt on his skin. The way that he had approached him and kissed him. The way he had stepped back, bit his lip, and looked at the floor, his cheeks red, and his arms dropped to his side. Waiting for him to say something. Anything.

  Except, after their brief conversation, Mark hadn’t been able to find any words. Because as soon as Jon’s lips were on his, he had realized something. It wasn’t just that he was lonely. He was — sure, that probably factored into it, somewhat. It was also that he had feelings for Jon. Which was crazy, because the two had just barely met, and Jon seemed to be a total mess.

  And he was straight. It didn’t matter that Mark confused him, because he was straight, and Mark had worked very hard to come out of the closet. He had worked very hard to be who he needed to be, Roger notwithstanding.

  And Jon — nobody even really knew Jon’s real name. Nobody knew anything about him. Being with someone like Jon wasn’t just terrifying, it was unsafe. Not just because his feelings might get hurt, because Mark knew that, if he stuck around, he would get his heart broken. Also because it meant changing the rules of his life and those rules were there for a reason.

  He couldn’t break them for someone like Jon. He had to protect himself.

  “So,” Rosa said, tucking her immaculately dyed jet-black hair behind her ear. “What’s he like?”

  Mark looked up at her.

  “You know, Jackie Mack. Is he as weird as people say he is? Does he actually have a squirrel taxidermy collection in his living room?”

  Mark closed his eyes, wondering what she was talking about.

  “Jackie Mack, hon. The guy you work for?”

  It took him way too long to realize that she was talking about Jon. He laughed before he spoke. “No, he doesn’t have a taxidermy collection anywhere that I could see. I can’t really tell you that much about him. I signed a pretty thick NDA to be able to work there.”

  “Did you sign an NDA about things like his personality?”

  “No, I guess not,” Mark replied. “I mean, what do you want to know?”

  “If you were right, mostly,” she said. “You know, about the house being haunted? If that’s why you’re here, because some ghosts chased you out.”

  He smiled, shaking his head. “The house isn’t haunted. At least not by, you know, ghosts. Or any other worldly creatures.”

  “What about him? What does he look like behind that mask?”

  “I definitely can’t tell you that.”

  “At least tell me this one thing. Is he cute?”

  Mark looked at the floor before taking a deep breath. He should have excused himself when he still had a chance to. Now he had to answer his aunt’s incessant questioning and while he knew he owed her at least that much, the last thing that he wanted to think about was Jon. “Yes. He’s gorgeous.”

  He didn’t have to look at her to know that she was smiling at him.

  “What else?”

  “He’s, uh, really nice,” Mark said. “Like, super talented, obviously. And just —”

  “What?”

  “He’s funny and interesting. Really kind, too,” Mark said. “He has this great voice, right? Like you never hear him when he performs because he’s all quiet during his act. But his voice is nice and deep. Calming.”

  “So you have no dirt?”

  “No,” Mark said. “No dirt.”

  “How dull,” Rosa replied, faking a yawn. “Honestly, if I didn’t know better I would say that it sounds like you are falling in love with him.”

  He set his gaze on her eyes before he spoke, trying his best to return her playful smile. “Yeah, well,” he said. “It’s a good thing you do know better, then.”

  Chapter Nine

  Jon tried to calm himself down. He had a bath, which had turned into a shower. That had turned into a jog. With his mask on, obviously, because he couldn’t be seen leaving his house. Normally, he would have asked his driver to bring his car around, but that would have taken too long. He couldn’t park his car near the house because there was no garage, so it would have been something to identify him with. The jog had turned into people mobbing him for an autograph. Which was normally fine, but not today. Everything was setting him off today.

  He didn’t know what had gotten into him. There was something about Mark, sure, but that didn’t mean that Jon had to scare him off. He enjoyed having him around. He didn’t even touch his breakfast before he went to get changed again, wondering if he would pass Mark along the way. He did say that he would come back in the morning and he had taken his key.

  Mark needed the job, Jon told himself. Mark didn’t need him.

  The last thing Mark needed was someone like him.

  Jon knew that Mark deserved an apology. He hadn’t meant to scare him off. Mark should not have had to deal with how confused he was. He should not have had to deal with any of what Jon had put him through.

  He stepped into his bedroom, leaving the door open behind him. He hoped that meant that he would be able to hear Mark when he came in through the door. The sooner they could clear the air, the sooner things could go back to normal.

  That hadn’t worked the first time, but Jon knew that the only reason for that was that he hadn’t been perfectly honest with Mark from the beginning. If he had just told him about his feelings in the first place, when Mark had asked him to hang out, it would have stopped all the awkwardness.

  He sighed as he sat down on the bed, his clothes sticking to his skin with sweat. He took the mask off his face. Then he took his shoes off and peeled his shirt off, throwing it on the floor, before he heard someone knock on his bedroom door.

  Before he looked up, he knew that he would find Mark standing there. Jon had been too distracted by his own thoughts to even hear his steps in the hallway. Now he was sitting there, in his own filth, wearing nothing but his old sweat pants and his smelly socks.

  He exhaled through his mouth and tightened his grip on the quilt before he looked up at Mark. “Good morning.”

  “Hi,” Mark said, looking him up and down before he cleared his throat and set his gaze on Jon’s face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just — I didn’t really know what time you wanted me to get in, so I thought I would wait until you were done with breakfast.”

  “Food is included, too,” Jon said. “Still included.”

  “Right,” Mark replied. “I guess, I don’t know, I was putting this off because I didn’t want things to be weird between us.”

  “But things are weird between us. And it’s all my fault. Look, I —”

  “If I hadn’t said anything in the first place, none of this would have happened. So technically, it’s my fault.”

  “No,” Jon said. “Because I kissed you. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. I know that
you’re here because you need the money and a place to stay and I totally respect that. I don’t want to be your creepy boss, you know? Like I said the other day, I do actually want you to have fun when you’re around me.”

  Mark laughed, throwing his head back. Jon thought it sounded sincere, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Mark was making fun of him.

  “You’re not creepy,” Mark said. “You may be a little dumb, but you’re not creepy.”

  Jon smiled before he scoffed. “Did you just call me stupid?”

  “I said that you were a little stupid, which is, you know, totally different,” Mark said, leaning against the wall.

  “How am I stupid?”

  “Because, for the last time, Jon,” Mark said, and this time, Jon did think he look annoyed. “You don’t have to pay me to spend time with you. You have to pay me to fix your house, sure, but having breakfast with you and stuff, even if it is the only thing that we do, you don’t have to pay me for that.”

  Jon shook his head. He could hear Mark’s words, but he was having a hard time processing them. “You mean that you—”

  Mark walked over to where Jon was. He sat down next to him, at the bottom of the bed, and looked like he was about to grab Jon’s hand before he thought better of it and put his hand on his own knee.

  “I mean that I like you,” Mark said. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I’m aware that I sound like I’m sixteen years old but I like you. I know that’s a complication because you’re my boss and you’re straight, but you know what? I’m going to get over it. I’ve had crushes on straight men before, and the one thing they all have in common is that they eventually go away.”

  Jon nodded. Was he hearing Mark right? Was Mark telling him that he had a crush on him? Mark couldn’t have a crush on weird, eccentric Jon? The man that wouldn’t even leave his house to go for a job. “Well, can I ask you something?”

  “Yes,” Mark said.

  Jon put a sweaty hand on Mark’s before he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “What if I don’t want it to go away?”