Undercover Lover Page 5

  “I know that, too,” Jan said, his eyes narrowing.

  “I should think before I speak,” Morgan replied. “I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.”

  Jan sighed, leaning back on his chair and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “There’s nothing wrong with being a waiter.”

  “Believe it or not, I know that,” Morgan replied in a whisper. His cheeks were burning again, but this time it wasn’t pleasant. He didn’t think he could have felt more foolish. “I was a waiter for a few years in high school, and then a couple of semesters when I was in college.”

  That seemed to pacify Jan a little bit. His expression softened before he spoke. “You were?”

  “Yes,” Morgan said. “Believe it or not. I wasn’t good at it, but it was the only job I could get because it was the only experience I had. It was horrible and cyclical. I’m clumsy. I’d get hired somewhere. I’d get fired. I’d get hired somewhere else. Rinse and repeat.”

  Jan gave him a tight-lipped smile.

  “Anyway,” Morgan continued. “I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just that, when I was in your position, being a waiter was not what I wanted. So, I guess what I did was project what I was like when I was in that position to you and that’s not fair. I shouldn’t have assumed anything. And I’m sorry I did.”

  “It’s okay,” Jan replied. “I get it. It’s just—”

  “I know I can come across as a snob,” Morgan said. “But I’m really not. I’m still getting used to the car and the fancy apartment and the fact that I can eat out every single day if I want without checking my bank account beforehand.”

  “Do you eat out every day?”

  “I can’t cook,” Morgan said. “I’ve tried. I’m useless. I go to the gym a lot so that balances it out—”

  “I can teach you,” Jan said. “I cook all the time. Because I can’t afford to go out nearly as much as you do.”

  “I’m sorry,” Morgan said. “Again. I ruined our date and we were having such a good time. I swear I didn’t mean to be such an asshole.”

  Jan smiled at him again, this time showing Morgan his teeth. “I get it,” he said. “I mean, it’s not like you are far off the mark. This isn’t really what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

  Morgan smiled back at him. He hadn’t realized it until he spoke again, but he had been holding his breath when Jan was speaking. “So, what do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know,” Jan said. “It doesn’t matter right now. I need the money.”

  “I get that,” Morgan said.

  They were quiet for a few seconds, then Morgan spoke again. “Do you mind if I ask you why?”

  Jan shrugged. “It’s my mom,” he replied. “She got really sick and... yeah, she’s not better. Even if I could afford to move into something else, being a waiter at Elements pays well because everyone who goes there is a good tipper and I can get scheduled whenever because I have seniority. I’ve only been there for a few months but so far, I like it. Yeah, it isn’t writing financial software code, whatever the hell that means, but it helps me.”

  “I feel like such a dick,” Morgan said. “I’m sorry about your mom.”

  “It’s okay,” Jan replied, shrugging. “I understand why you said what you did. I don’t like it, but I get it. Thank you, by the way.”

  “Of course,” Morgan said. He waited for Jan to say anything else, but he didn’t, so Morgan put the cloth napkin that he had on his knees on the table and spoke softly. “Do you want to go?”

  Jan nodded. “Sure,” he said. “It’s getting late.”

  Chapter Six

  It never had been part of Jan’s plan to start liking the man that had decided to take him out on a date, randomly and for no reason. That wasn’t his job. He was starting to get worried about the fact his weekly reports to his bosses all boiled down to that he had made basically zero progress. He didn’t understand why they hadn’t secured him a position at FinaSoft Corporation in the first place, but it wasn’t his place to ask that. If they needed this from him to give him that worthwhile promotion, then he just was going to do as they asked. There was also the fact that they may well have told him why when he still was being trained and he just hadn’t been paying attention. What they had asked for him to do had seemed impossible until a week ago or so, when Morgan first had walked into the restaurant. He immediately knew who Morgan was from the file in the dossier.

  It was just a bonus that Morgan happened to be cute. Jan had thought that he looked good then, but the evening they had spent together made the way that Jan thought about Morgan change. Instead of just cute, he seemed handsome, even a little intimidating. His high cheekbones and pointed jaw made his face the perfect frame to his huge blue eyes, his upturned nose and his full lips. Even though it was obvious Morgan was the older one of the two, Jan couldn’t help but think he was younger whenever he furrowed his brow or whenever he smiled, little wrinkles appearing around his glimmering eyes. That never had been part of the plan. Jan had to do a job and Morgan was just caught in the middle. Jan couldn’t help it if Morgan was his way in, it wasn’t as though that was what he wanted.

  He thought about all this as he watched Morgan driving up to his place. Jan knew he would have to take this slowly. At the same time, his supervisor had assured him that no one outside his company ever would find out he was involved and he should live his life as he normally would have, but nothing about his situation was normal. Provided he was doing his job. He didn’t even know if he was doing his job right then, or if he was living his life. Hanging out with someone who was part of the company he wanted to infiltrate was part of it, he was sure of that, but feeling the way that Jan already did about him? That was probably not part of it. That was most definitely not part of it. He was sure he wouldn’t get paid extra for developing feelings for a target, so he had to get a grip.

  But Morgan had been so nice. Except for the thing that he had said about him being a waiter, which had put Jan’s teeth on edge, both because he was offended and because he was worried he was going to get found out. Not that Morgan would have any way to find out about Jan’s actual background. It wasn’t that he had concocted some sort of elaborate life story to feed Morgan. When he was being trained, that was one of the first and most important things they had emphasized. They didn’t want him to have to keep another life straight in his head. So, referencing his own life was mostly fine, provided he had some of the big things worked out.

  Jan had mostly listened to that advice. He had been as honest with Morgan as he could be, too. He hadn’t lied about how much he liked Morgan and he had allowed himself to have fun during their date, far more than he thought he would have. He had lied a couple of times, sure, but that was just the way that it had to be when one of two people in the date knew a lot more about the other one. The problem was that Morgan had been unexpectedly sweet and charming. There was also more depth to him than Jan first had thought. When they first had met, Jan instantly had pegged Morgan as a way in. He recognized his picture from the dossier. To start with, though, Jan had thought they were going to be friends.

  According to his supervisor, that was one of the chief reasons they had chosen him. He was charismatic, socially skilled and good with people. He made friendships quickly, and they knew he might be able to socialize with some important people who worked at FinaSoft Corporation, provided he had all the information he needed. Without the burden of having to sign some sort of non-disclosure agreement and with the added benefit of being able to ply whoever his information source was with drinks to loosen them up.

  He never intended to go out on a date with a target. When he had approached Morgan, all hard angles and soft features, he did just want to make conversation with him. He thought they could be friends. It wasn’t as though Morgan advertised his sexuality on social media and there had been no way for Jan to be able to tell. Jan thought that maybe he would find out a few things, things that he would then be able to send to his bosses in his report. Then he ha
d noticed the silver stud that Morgan wore on his left ear, catching the light of the restaurant every time he moved his head, and the tiny rainbow pin that Morgan donned on the collar of his shirt.

  When he had called Morgan cute, that had absolutely nothing to do with his job. When he had accepted Morgan’s invitation, that also had absolutely nothing to do with his job. He just wanted to live his life, as he had been instructed. But now, as Morgan was close to dropping him off, he couldn’t help but wonder how much this all had to do with his job in the first place. Wasn’t this the reason he was pretending he was a waiter at an upscale restaurant across from the headquarters of FinaSoft Corporation? Wasn’t it the reason he even was dating at all?

  He could have been friends with Morgan. He didn’t have to let him take him out on a date.

  Jan hadn’t been on a date since he had been in grad school, he thought bitterly. Not that he could tell Morgan about that. Waiters with no aspirations were one thing, waiters with no aspirations and a postgraduate degree in economic studies were two entirely different things. It was interesting, but not amusing, that they both were obviously incredibly gifted at math, and yet, Jan couldn’t share that part of him with Morgan.

  “Hey,” Morgan said when he pulled the car into the spot in front of Jan’s building. “We’re here.”

  Jan looked at him. Morgan was smiling and there were those wrinkles around his eyes that made him look so innocent and that made Jan want to kiss him, even though he knew he shouldn’t. He heard his own voice before he even could process the fact he was speaking. “Hey,” he said. “Would it be weird if we went back to your place?”

  Morgan’s gaze bore into his blushing face. “What do you mean, weird?”

  “Like, too much, I guess,” Jan replied weakly. He wanted to tell Morgan the real reason why he thought it might be weird. He had slept with plenty of guys during their first dates, even when they hadn’t gone nearly as well as this one. It had been normal. He knew that, so he hated that he looked so unsure, that he appeared so inexperienced. “I know this is our first date and I, I don’t know. I hope I’m not coming across as too strong.”

  “No,” Morgan replied. “It’s not too weird.”

  Jan smiled at him. He hoped he looked like he meant it, but he was worried about how sincere he seemed, though that was certainly not new. “Good,” he said. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  As soon as he shut his mouth, he regretted it.

  Getting sexually involved with someone would be a quick way to add a ton of complications. He still could back out — driving back to Morgan’s place would take at least half an hour. With the way traffic looked, it would probably take even longer than that. Morgan would have no problem if Jan suddenly chickened out, he was sure of it. Maybe they would go on a date again, maybe they wouldn’t, but one thing was for certain. He had his in.

  He had done his job after all, no matter what reservations he had about it.

  Morgan touched his knee, softly, briefly. It only took a couple of seconds and it was enough to make Jan’s head start spinning.

  “Hey,” Morgan said. “Are you okay? Are you sure you want to do this?”

  “Yes,” Jan replied, far too quickly. When the silence stretched, he kept going. He felt like he needed to justify himself. “Yes, sorry. It’s just been so long. I’m — I don’t know. It’s weird. I feel like a kid again.”

  Morgan looked at him for a second, licked his lips and smiled. “Yeah,” he replied. “I know exactly what you mean.”

  ***

  Jan hadn’t realized the four bottom floors at Morgan’s building were a garage, but it made sense. He never saw anyone park outside and parking in the city of Danbury was a pain in the ass, another reason why he had decided not to buy a car when he had moved to Danbury himself. Morgan had an assigned parking spot, Jan could tell because of the colorful letter and number painted on the gray concrete and on the wall in front of them. When Morgan parked and looked at him, Jan felt his heart flutter in his chest. He already was getting anxious, so much more anxious than before. He thought about telling him that he didn’t want to do this, but he knew that wasn’t true. He did want to do this. Even if it jeopardized things with his job.

  He had been thinking about Morgan ever since they first had locked eyes. The fact he was into men, too, that had just been a bonus. Jan had never been shy about who he was and flirting came easily to him. It helped that he was good-looking, charming and took care of himself. It had resulted in more than a few hot dates, but never anything quite like this. If he was going to do his job, then Morgan would be inexplicably, intrinsically tied to that. Jan knew he could never escape that. It was just that the way Morgan looked, the way that Morgan acted, the way he did almost anything was enough to get Jan going.

  Jan knew it was just lust. He knew it meant nothing. He knew he should resist the instinct to grab Morgan’s face in his hand and kiss him deeply, passionately on the mouth, but he couldn’t help himself. He stopped fighting it the moment Morgan turned off the car and took the keys out of the ignition. When Morgan turned to look at him, presumably to say something, Jan couldn’t fight his instincts anymore. He leaned in to kiss Morgan. His lips were soft and warm against Jan’s own. He didn’t want it to end, so he didn’t protest when Morgan put his hand on the back of Jan’s head, moving away from him only for a second before he stuck his tongue in Jan’s mouth. Morgan was a good kisser, passionate, sweet, and took his time as their tongues wrestled inside Jan’s mouth. His hand slowly moved to the back of Jan’s neck, sending a shiver down his spine as he stroked Jan softly, his touch barely there.

  Morgan moved away from him again. When he spoke, it was breathlessly. “Let’s take this upstairs.”

  Jan nodded, smiling at him, his cheeks red and his heart beating fast with anticipation. The moment Morgan stopped touching him, he started to feel like things had gone wrong. “You don’t want to do this in your car?”

  “Not tonight,” Morgan replied, smiling back at him. “Maybe when you get bored of my bed.”

  Jan’s heartbeat quickened, which he hadn’t even realized was possible. He never thought that would happen. A night of passion, he guessed he didn’t mind giving into that. A relationship, one where they spent so much time together it would be possible for him to get sick of Morgan’s bed, that was completely different.

  That wouldn’t just interfere with his job. It would change everything.

  He didn’t want to think about it then. So instead, he kissed Morgan again, this time on the cheek, just enough to elicit a smile from him. Then he moved to the crook of Morgan’s neck with soft pecks that made Morgan moan. He could smell the lotion that Morgan had used, hints of his aftershave, the enticing smell of his sweat. God, he wanted to fuck him.

  Morgan seemed to have the same idea because soon he was making a noise that came from the back of his throat. It wasn’t quite a moan, but it was definitely sexual, and Jan could tell he wanted more.

  “Stop,” Morgan finally said. “If you keep going, I’m going to cum right now. And I don’t want to do that yet. Not until I at least get to see you.”

  “Didn’t think I could get you to cum just by kissing your neck,” Jan said with a snicker.

  “That’s because you don’t know the things that you do to me,” Morgan replied breathlessly, as Jan moved his lips away from Morgan’s skin but purposefully breathed down his neck, making Morgan shiver. “Ever since I first saw you, I’ve been daydreaming about you. Not just about getting to know you as a person.”

  “Oh, is that right? Are you telling me you’ve been thinking dirty thoughts about me?” Jan replied. His cock was twitching. He had already been hard, but listening to Morgan made him feel like he was so much closer. All he had to do was talk. Jan never had met anyone who had an effect like that on him before and it scared him. It also exhilarated him, in the best of ways, but most of all, it scared him. The person who managed to do this to him shouldn’t have been Morgan.

>   There were so many things wrong about the situation, Jan didn’t even know what to think. The worst part was that Morgan didn’t even know. He couldn’t know, even if Jan wanted to tell him. It wouldn’t just ruin everything between them, it would ruin everything, period. Including his career. Including the double bedroom with the fancy bed with the gilded frame and the headboard inserts at Broadway Oaks, the one with the pretty waterfront view. The one where she could have the fancy tea set she always had and an aide would clean all her decorations every week, setting them perfectly over her dresser and turning her to look at them for a few minutes, because Jan was sure it made her happy.

  And this was just sex. It was just sex. It had been so long since Jan had simply had sex, maybe he had forgotten what it was supposed to go like. Maybe that was why his heart was fluttering the way it was. Maybe, he told himself, it had nothing to do with Morgan and everything to do with himself.

  He didn’t have that much time to think about it, though, because soon Morgan’s hand was cupping his face and the skin of his palm was somehow soft but inexplicably rough against his cheek. Jan leaned into his touch, thinking only about the way he smelled, the way he felt, the way that Morgan was touching him.

  “Upstairs,” Morgan said, his voice a whisper. “Let’s take this upstairs.”

  This time, all Jan could do was nod.

  ***

  Jan stepped out of the car. The moment he did so, Morgan wrapped his arms around him and grabbed him, bringing him closer to his own body. Despite Morgan’s tight jeans, or maybe because of them, he felt Morgan’s erection pressing against his own body. Morgan pressed up against him, crushing him between his own body and the car.

  He managed to squirm away from Morgan by moving to the side, a moan caught in the back of his throat. “I thought you said to wait until we were upstairs.”