Secret Desire Read online

  I wasn’t sure if the way I felt was worth it, but I stepped into the kitchen for my cure. A couple of aspirins did it every time for me. I had a glass of orange juice then poured a cup of coffee and headed to the elevator to start my day.

  This campus looked like a few others I’d covered classes at over the last couple of years. I was settled in Portland now since my mom was getting older, and I wanted to be close by. I was raised here and loved it but decided to go to college in California. It was a change and a fun one at that. I developed a big crush on surfer boys, and college was a wild time for me.

  I hopped into my car and started the engine. I tried to remember where my parking was as I pulled into the campus. Teachers and even subs had their area, and I found a spot before looking in the mirror.

  I couldn’t make these bags go away in the little time I had before class. I groaned and got out, holding my coffee and the messenger bag with the things I needed for this class. Students were everywhere, and I thought back to my days as a student. Hell, I was barely older than some of these kids, but what different lives we had. I caught the eyes of a group of girls and looked away. They were females for one, but dating a student, male or female, was not a great idea. It happens, but it can lead to complications. I kept my eyes forward until I found the building that housed my class.

  I stepped in with the crowd and held my travel cup tight. The voices and laughter echoed here, and I pressed forward to try and beat at least a few students to the classroom. When I saw the door propped open, I sighed in relief and moved through the crowd to make my way inside.

  Someone brushed against me, and their scent was familiar. I wondered how, as I looked to my right and met the eyes of the man I slept with last night. He stilled, and I held tight to my coffee in my shaking hands.

  It never occurred to me to ask if he was a student. It was easy enough to assume with his age, but I landed this temporary job just a few days ago. I didn’t know who he was. Matt looked away and strode to the back of the class as my eyes dropped to his ass. Fuck. I walked to the front of the class and set my bag down on the desk as I tried to control my racing heart. I needed to find a way to ignore Matt and teach this fucking class. I didn’t have any alternatives.

  Within ten minutes, it seemed like the room was full and I took a long look around. Every seat was taken, and it looked like design majors in here with their colored hair and effortless style. I was always more of a conservative type, but I appreciated their love for creativity.

  “Good morning, class. I’m Mr. Jameson, and I’m going to be handling this class for a while. It seems as though your teacher told you that she had a family emergency.” There were a few murmurs of yes, and I nodded as I set down a folder. “Good. I am going to go over the last of your test prep, and you will be taking that on Friday.”

  Matt was staring at me from the back, and I remembered being inside of him. His moans and cries were addictive, and I felt my cock respond to the memory. I sat down in the seat clumsily, nearly falling as the class laughed uncomfortably. I took my information from the worksheet provided for me, and the class answered and discussed the answers as I tried to make sense of it. I was smart enough to teach any class, but some took a little adapting.

  Time seemed to drag before it was time for some peace, and I leaned back with a sigh. Matt watched me from his seat before booking it out of the room. I hoped that he’d keep this between us. I lost my mind when I saw him, along with all my self-control.

  My day ended when I caught up with the next day’s prep work. It was a good thing that I did some graphic design work on the side to keep an income coming in. I headed off campus and considered drowning myself in liquor. That would only get me in more trouble. So, I chose to go home and stay in tonight.

  Why did I feel alone here tonight? Matt had barely been here apart from the sex we had and whatever time he spent sleeping in my bed. I always woke up to him gone, so I never knew when he left.

  Chapter Four

  Matt

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  I slept with my teacher twice. Sure, he was just a temporary fill-in, but there had to be rules about that. Didn’t there?

  I wanted to skip the rest of the day and get the hell out of here. I barely remembered what we went over for the test just half an hour ago. This grade was critical if I wanted to graduate with a good GPA. I headed to the small coffee stand to get another cup, which was sure to make me a nervous wreck.

  Of all the people I met at a bar, it had to be a fucking professor. That never even occurred to me, and I didn’t even know what his job was. I just knew what he felt like inside of me and it was the best I ever had. I thanked the girl and walked away with the steaming cup, forcing my mind to the present. I had classes, and this was nothing more than a shock. I had plenty of casual sex with guys and didn’t think about them again.

  I finished my day and headed back to the apartment. Dahlia was already there and starting dinner, and I smiled weakly at her. “Hi. How was your day?”

  My sister was like the sunshine on a cloudy day sometimes. “It was decent. Yours?” I set my backpack on the couch and stretched my arms up, feeling my muscles move as I groaned. I was sore from a lot more than sitting in stiff chairs all day. I was still recovering from the monkey sex last night.

  “Long. I’m so glad to be home. I need some food, wine and sleep.” She told me as I laughed. “I still have a test on Friday, but I want to rest tonight.”

  “Me, too.” I went in and grabbed a beer before helping her with the meal. She was baking some salmon and vegetables, and I inhaled deeply. “I knew I liked living with you for a reason.”

  “Whatever.” Dahlia shot back, and it made me love my twin entirely again. We finished dinner and took our plates to the couch with some beer and wine, settling in as she looked at me. “You look stressed. Did something happen last night? Maybe today?”

  I could tell her that it was both, but Dahlia already worried about me. She also knew me well, and I wasn’t sure how much I could lie to her. “Just school shit. I’m exhausted.”

  “You got home late last night, didn’t you? I was studying late.” Dahlia’s voice softened, and I sighed.

  “I was out with friends. That’s all.” I assured her and sipped my beer. “You need to stop worrying about me. When are you going to live life for you?”

  “School is my life. I want to do well, and then I’ll let loose.” I knew that she was saying that she wasn’t ready yet. Dahlia wasn’t big on dating, but she fell for one guy the summer before starting college. He swept her off her feet and ruined her for anyone else. I wanted to kill the mother fucker when I heard she caught him cheating with another girl the week before we moved for school. She told me they talked about seeing each other despite the distance. Dahlia thought he loved her the same way she loved him.

  “That was years ago that Brody pulled his shit.” I reminded her, and she nodded. “You’re a beautiful girl, Dahlia. I mean, you’re my twin. That’s an honor.” That got a laugh out of her, and I grinned.

  “I’m not the whore that you are, Matt. I never will be.” She blew me a kiss before sipping her wine, not knowing that got to me. I didn’t want to be this way, but in part I was a lot like my sister. I kept things casual out of fear. That was probably why this thing with Peter had my nerves on edge. I rarely slept with a man twice, to begin with. The fact that he was subbing for one of my classes also bothered me. I had no idea what to do about that.

  “Let’s hope not. I don’t want to have to kill anyone.” I sighed dramatically, and she dissolved into giggles again.

  We ate and watched one of our shows, chatting about lighter topics. My sister had a decent life here if not quiet. She had some friends that she mainly studied with, but I knew they talked her into lunch and dinner sometimes. Our grandparents made sure we wouldn’t have to worry about money through school and even after with a generous trust fund. I was spending more of my allowance than she did, and I wanted her to do more. Portland was a great town and offered a lot of activities.

  We talked to our parents after dinner, and they mentioned that the family would be home for Thanksgiving in just two months. That was a big deal for Mom, and we assured her that we’d be there for all the holidays. She’d taken over the tradition after the death of our grandparents back-to-back and did a great job of keeping our childhood alive.

  Mom asked to speak to me, and I wandered into my room with the phone. “I’m okay, Mom. You have to stop listening to Dahlia’s exaggerations.”

  “Are they?” Mom asked, and I knew she’d lose her mind over the latest drama. She fussed over us both, but when I came out to my family, she worried about the cons of the situation.

  “Pretty much. I just have friends that like to party. Is that a bad thing? I’m keeping my grades up.”

  “I know you do. I feel like my kids are a country away from me.”

  I smiled. “You have Rayna to keep you busy.” That was my twelve-year-old sister who was their oops baby when Mom was in her thirties.

  “Lord, do I. Times are different from when you were growing up. I want to burn her phone sometimes.” Rayna only had a phone because she was in a lot of sports. She got rides at times, and Mom wanted to keep track of her.

  “She’s a great kid, Mom. She has such a great sister to look up to.” Mom chuckled, and I hoped that the lecture was over. We chatted a bit longer and ended the call. I sat on my bed and plugged my phone into the charger, feeling the need to sleep. I was done in every way and wanted to forget all about Peter. When was he going to be back in my life?

  I woke up to the alarm the next morning, still wearing my clothes from the night before. I blinked and reached for my phone, cursing the sun shining through my open windows. I d
idn’t have an early class, but I did like to hit the gym as much as possible. I considered skipping but grumbled as I pushed myself up to find my gym clothes.

  I drove the short distance to the gym instead of walking and hopped out after a large sip of coffee. I checked in at the front desk and headed to a treadmill, choosing a more leisurely day. I popped in my headphones and turned everything up to go all into my run. I tried not to think about the events of the day before, but there he was in my head.

  Peter.

  Wait a fucking second. I looked ahead of me and saw him in the gym. He was lifting some heavy weight, which would explain his Adonis body and working alone. So many of the guys had their friends with them, talking as much as they were exercising. I studied Peter as I paused to sip some water. He was intent on his moment, not needing anybody else to be involved.

  Was that how he was?

  He taught the class well. While he wasn’t the main one, he’d looked over some materials to prepare for his temporary job. That possibly meant that Professor Davenport wouldn’t be back for a while. Shit. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with Peter for that time, and I quickly refocused my brain. That wouldn’t happen since I didn’t see men more than a couple of times. I was at that point with Peter, and we were done. It was nothing.

  Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I jumped. Pulling off one earbud, I glanced over to see Jake as I shut off the machine before I fell. He was a guy from a couple of nights at a club a few months back. He had nothing on Peter. “Hey, Matt. How’s it going?”

  I cursed the fact that Portland wasn’t a big town. At least, it felt like that at times. “Hi, Jake. I’ve never seen you here before.” He was a hot guy, but I sensed his clingy side early on.

  “I come at night most of the time when I’m not working. I switched shifts this week. How are you doing?” Jake’s blue eyes were bright with hope, and I knew I was going to crush that.

  “I’m good. The usual.” I wanted to keep it short and felt someone looking at me. I looked around to see Peter watching me with a scowl on his face. I gazed back, wondering how much he cared about Jake talking to me. “Still working at the club?”

  “Yeah. The money is too good to quit until I graduate. You should come by sometime, and we can catch up.” Jake’s voice was suggestive, but I looked back at him with disdain. He was just a boy compared to Peter, and I wouldn’t want to go back there now.

  “Maybe, I will. It was great to see you.” I assured Jake as he reached out to hug me, catching me off guard. I returned it lightly, selfishly pleased that Peter was still watching us. I didn’t owe him a thing, but I could enjoy the moment. Jake seemed happy when he headed to another part of the gym, and I looked at my machine to see that I’d only been running for thirty minutes.

  I glanced around to choose something more difficult for the remaining workout. I needed to distract myself and get out of Peter’s line of sight for a while. I moved to a private corner and started something, turning my music up louder. I managed to get some cardio in before giving up and sneaking out to my car. I glanced at the clock and realized I had to get home and shower before class.

  Dahlia wasn’t home, and I managed to leave quietly. She sure as shit would have interrogated me since the stress of my morning was probably all over my face. I headed to class, grabbing a coffee as I resigned myself to trying to focus in class.

  Chapter Five

  Peter

  I left the gym quietly to head back to my car. I didn’t see Matt go, but he might be with that kid who was talking to him. It was clear that they knew each other well and I wondered if they left together. Both men were just college students and in the wild part of their lives. I sure had been, and the fact that I slept with someone younger than I was, twice, still surprised me.

  I needed to concentrate on my future. This temp job might land me something more permanent somewhere, and I needed to sub as much as possible. I worked hard for a stable teaching job, and two nights with a guy from a bar shouldn’t deter me from my path.

  I headed home and turned on some sports show before taking a long shower. I still had some vivid memories of feeling Matt wrapped around me, giving me everything that I demanded from him. I worked them out with my hand on my cock, stroking it under the hot water until I shot my cum all over the shower wall.

  I needed to get to the bar this weekend and find a man my age to make me forget Matt. Even if I wasn’t teaching his class, I couldn’t go there again. He was already under my skin and going back for more would just make that worse.

  I dried off and pulled on shorts, looking around my room. Matt was all over this place, and I could still smell him on my pillows. It was something minty and a reminder of the cold weather. I tore my sheets from my bed and rolled them into a ball before throwing everything into the washing machine. I cracked open a window for some fresh air and left to look over the materials for future classes. The tests were all ready for the next class, and I could relax that day and not stare at Matt.

  I planned out future courses based on scribbled notes from the teacher. She cared about that class a lot but lost both parents in a car accident. I knew that she wouldn’t be back for a while. I lost my grandparents a few years back, and it took a few weeks, if not months, to bounce back. My dad left when I was eight. That left my mom, my sister Jenny and me. My grandparents kept us all sane, and when they were gone, Mom lost her mind. It stalled my college career for a while. She finally told me to finish, and I came here from our small town in Washington after graduation for a job.

  That loss still hit hard from time to time for me.

  I finished up and organized everything into a folder, setting it on the table. I barely paid attention to the scores showing on the television but glanced up as the show ended. I deserved a beer at the very least and headed to the fridge to grab one. I wondered what Matt thought when he left quietly through my front door those two mornings. No notes of goodbye or even a phone number. I knew that college hookups were casual, but I expected more from him the second time. I had to remind myself that even if he had left a number, I wouldn’t use it. He was my student now.

  I was bored that evening and called my mom to chat for a while. She was running her bookstore and sounded strong over the phone. Despite the tragedies in her life, Mom stayed strong and kept her life going. She might not have had a serious relationship since Dad, but she had kids to worry about. Jenny was still living at home and finishing up her senior year of college.

  After that call ended, I was still restless. It was early, and I could grab a drink or maybe some dinner. I had a couple of casual friends that I spent time with, but a quick text told me that they were already out.

  Fuck it. I could grab dinner on my own. I dressed in jeans and a university sweatshirt from college, slipping on some chucks before heading out the door. I lived close enough to Portland to walk and headed to the left in search of a meal. I didn’t have a class to teach today, but tomorrow would be here soon.

  I found a place I’d been to before that served casual but delicious food. I walked through the door into the bright, lit main room and waved as the waiter came over to greet me. It was set up as tables in the dining room, and I glanced around to see the room half full of customers. I could find an end seat and join in the conversation. I followed him and took the menu and accepted his offer of a glass of water.

  Once I ordered, I took a better look around. I noticed that Matt was sitting across the room at another table, talking intimately with a girl who had brown hair that matched his. He hadn’t seen me yet, and I watched them as voices filled the room. It made me wonder if Matt swung both ways since he was comfortable with this girl. They were both casual in the situation, eating dinner and sipping wine throughout the meal. He must have felt my gaze because his eyes moved around the room, locking with mine and brightening as heat washed over my body. Jesus, but I was attracted to this guy. Our eyes remained steady for a long moment before he looked away, answering something to the girl as I longed for a way to lean back without falling.

  I was near an entire family, and we chatted about the lingering summer weather as they told me about their vacation. I smiled at the grandparents as they fussed over the grandchildren and sadness hit me as I remembered my loss. I felt alone out of the blue without my family here and finished the meal quietly, generously tipping as I stood to go back home.