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  Instead, he would enjoy the view and get used to the fact that this was his office.

  He closed his eyes and thought about David. Bringing David here would have made his day. Maybe he would send him a picture. David might get a kick out of that. On the other hand, he might just think that Morgan was rubbing it in.

  He sighed, rubbed the bridge of his nose and tried to stop thinking about his ex-boyfriend. He knew he should have stopped thinking about his ex-boyfriend years ago. His sister had once told him that it took about half as long as a relationship had lasted to get over it, but a year had gone by, then two, then three, and nothing changed. His mind still drifted to what David would think of something or how impressed he would be by something before he realized that David was only part of his life in the most abstract sense of the word. They were still friendly, as friendly as exes could be, but no one would call them friends.

  No one would be stupid enough for that.

  He logged on to his computer using the credentials that had been left for him on a sticky note stuck to the top of his monitor, getting it right only the third time. He still had to learn how to navigate the internal system, but once he did that, he would be ready to work, he thought as the splash screen disappeared. And that was what he was there for.

  Not to think about exes.

  He looked around and wondered if Jan would be impressed by this office, then shook his head. He wasn’t there to think about potential new boyfriends either. No matter how much he wanted to do that instead of work.

  Chapter Four

  Jan looked at his reflection in the wall-length mirror of the dance room. He went to the gym religiously, but he had only just started doing yoga a few weeks ago and he was still getting used to how difficult it was. At least the outfit made him look cute, he thought, the black vest clinging to his upper body and the gym shorts showing off his muscled legs.

  Jan was strong. He had always been strong, even as a kid, and then as a teenager when he had gotten into playing basketball. Playing sports in a city didn’t lend itself to working his limbs that much. So, he wasn’t flexible and he had trouble keeping his breathing and body movements in tune with each other.

  Yoga hadn’t been part of the plan when he had first arrived in this city a few months ago, before any of this had happened. He had been told he would have a lot of freedom, provided he did his job in the timeline that State Fidelity had set up for him. They were strict with the reports, too, and Jan still was struggling to come to grips with what he was supposed to be doing, even though he had received long hours of training.

  He still couldn’t believe this was the job they ended up giving him. When he first joined State Fidelity, he had wanted to be a standard, run-of-the-mill banker, but they had trained him to be an internal corporate investigator when they had first recruited him. That had happened almost immediately after he graduated. The job sounded a lot more exciting than it was, especially when they had first pitched it to him.

  He was responsible for analyzing financial statements and detecting fraud. He was told he would evaluate cases and determine whether there were any links between them by analyzing variations of trends and patterns. His job also involved writing long and boring documentation about how State Fidelity was supposed to handle risk mitigation, which he always thought was a more accurate description of his day-to-day job duties. The most exciting part of his job was dealing with law enforcement, but that didn’t happen very often and he didn’t think they liked him very much. He couldn’t blame them—they had more important things to do than look into a financial institution as big as State Fidelity losing money.

  After he had finished grad school, Jan had his choice of places of employment, but none that would have paid nearly as well. At least not to start with. He hadn’t told his mother, in case she would try to talk him into going with the offer from State Fidelity Federal Savings and Loan Association. They paid so much better than everyone else, and the position could hardly be called entry-level. There was also the fact that it was in New York City, and his mother wanted him to live nearby again. He couldn’t blame her, but he had worked so hard. While the money was tempting, he still wanted to rise through the ranks and end up as one of the managers. They pulled in an unbelievable salary, and their job came with much more freedom than the position State Fidelity was offering him. If he chose this career path, it was very likely he would never have that freedom and flexibility, something which he really, really wanted.

  He had been minutes away from calling his first choice when his phone rang. It was his mother’s number and they had only spoken a few hours earlier. So, he thought she must have forgotten something during their conversation, but when he answered, he didn’t hear his mother’s voice on the line.

  Riley sounded distraught. Jan’s little brother was extremely calm in general, which was especially disturbing because he was only fourteen years old. Jan thought that phone call was the first time that he had ever heard him when he was upset. Riley preferred to hide in his room and wait for things to calm down until he emerged again. Jan often wondered what he did behind closed doors. He had some idea — he had been a teenage boy himself, after all — but if he was doing anything else to calm himself down, Jan wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

  Between panicked breaths, Riley explained he had walked in after a date with a girl that had gone poorly and found their mother lying on the floor, her skin purple and cold to the touch. Jan had tried his best to sound reassuring, even though he had felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He had sat on the floor and dug his fingers into the plush carpet of the small bedroom in his dingy student apartment after he had instructed Riley to hang up the phone and call an ambulance. Riley had done as Jan had told him, all while Jan looked around desperately for a paper bag and waited for Riley to call him back.

  When Riley called back, an hour or so later, Jan had already booked a ticket home. He had tried to get in touch with his dad, but communicating when his father was in Dubai was almost always near impossible. Jan knew there was almost no chance his father would be able, or even willing, to help him out anyway.

  The relationship between his parents was complicated, not to mention the relationship between his dad and himself. Plus, his father had his own wife and children to take care of, siblings that Jan heard plenty about but had never actually met. Maybe he would help, if Jan begged, but his help would be limited to sending him money for the month.

  He doubted his father would come back to the United States just to help him look after his mother.

  So, he had flown home and sat outside his mom’s hospital room for a night or two. He wasn’t sure, because he couldn’t remember how long it had been. Everything from that time was such a blur. He slept there until he went outside for a walk early in the morning. That was when he had seen Riley smoking a cigarette on the roof of the hospital. Riley couldn’t smoke. He had never done so before, that much was obvious because he wasn’t inhaling the smoke from the cigarette every time that he took a drag. He was pacifying his anxiety somehow, though, and Jan didn’t think it was the time to reprimand him for that, considering the circumstances.

  It wasn’t as though Jan could tell anyone else to set him straight, either. Jan’s stepfather had died when Riley was still very young. Jan had loved his stepfather, probably more than he had ever liked his own father. So, he had been devastated. Riley had been too young to understand his father was gone for good, but he slowly stopped asking when he was going to come back home.

  All Jan could do was stare as Riley finished his cigarette, while wondering where he had got it. Then Riley put it on the hospital roof floor and stamped the butt out.

  That was when he knew he couldn’t leave. His little brother needed him, no matter what happened with their mother. The doctors had been uncommunicative at best, dismissive at worst, but Jan had supposed they were doing their best.

  So, he had sucked it up, slept on an uncomfortable blue plastic chair outside h
is mom’s room, and called State Fidelity in the morning. He had been prepared to beg for extra time to come on board, but the person on the phone had been extremely understanding. Jan hung up feeling like at least he had sorted out one thing. It was good. He had felt so powerless otherwise.

  A month later, he had been touring the halls at State Fidelity. The bank was imposing from the outside, but it turned out to be incredible on the inside. The ceilings all were carved with intricate gold patterns, the walls in the hallways tiled, and the floors covered by long Persian rugs that looked like they cost more than his entire college education had.

  That had been two years ago. Jan could hardly believe that two years had passed. It felt like it had only been months that he had to get used to his new normal when his supervisor had pulled him aside for a special assignment.

  He had hesitated to take it, though his supervisor had framed it as a promotion. It did come with a lot more money, but he wouldn’t be in New York City anymore, which meant he couldn’t visit his mother as often. His brother had just entered West Point then. When Jan had called him to talk, mostly about how sure he was he wasn’t going to take the assignment, Riley had become angry. Riley, who was always calm, had almost started to shout down the phone.

  Jan didn’t think Riley had ever been so angry at him before. So, he took the promotion and moved to Danbury, even though he didn’t really understand what it was that he was supposed to do or why he would have to get a job at a restaurant and pretend he was a waiter beforehand. He was sure they had told him, but the training hadn’t been as intensive as Jan would have liked. It had been sporadically worked into the rest of his duties, which made both doing his job and learning for the new position difficult. Especially when he still had his mother to worry about.

  But his supervisor had told him that it would be a fast-track to the top of his career, and the bills from his mother’s care were piling up. His brother had done what he could, enrolling in West Point, and Jan had made sure he didn’t have any unpaid expenses.

  Money hadn’t been a concern for a while, but he lived in a small apartment, barely dated—because dating took up too much of his time, he told himself, and he didn’t even want to think about how much money he would have had to spend on that—and dismissed the possibility of having a family himself, at least for another ten or twenty years. His mother had good insurance, but it wasn’t great. Jan paid for it, and she stayed in one of the best long-term care homes in the state. Her insurance covered some, but not all the expenses of living in a place as nice as Broadway Oaks.

  Jan wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.

  She was still paralyzed, but the doctors said she was lucid sometimes. Every now and then, a nurse would tell him she had done something or said something, and Jan would feel hopeful all over again. Then a doctor would remind him, gently, of the condition the stroke had left her in. He had never seen her lucid after the stroke. So, he knew his hope was baseless, but he couldn’t help himself.

  “I can’t leave her,” he’d said to Riley as he had walked out of Broadway Oaks, his cellphone up to his ear. “If I don’t visit her for a weekend…”

  “She’ll live,” Riley had replied, the annoyance obvious in his voice. “You were the one who convinced me it was okay that I move away. You told me she had no concept of time anyway, and that I could always visit her on furlough.”

  Jan had sighed and shaken his head. “You don’t understand,” he’d replied. “It’s different with you. You’re young.”

  “Oh, and you’re twenty-four. You’re right, you’re basically on death’s door. Is Father Corran on speed dial? After Dad died...”

  “Don’t be a dick,” Jan had said while laughing, though his heart felt like it had dropped to his stomach.

  “Look,” Riley had replied, once Jan was done. “You once told me that she wouldn’t want us to stop pursuing our dreams. You were talking about me, but I’m sure she wants the same thing for you. I know you’ve had to put your life on hold for a long time now. So, don’t you think it’s time you start? You can always see her on weekends. It’s not like Danbury is that far away. A what, thirty-minute flight?”

  “I guess,” Jan had said. He didn’t want to go into what his job would be and why it was unlikely he would have time to visit their mom on the weekends. “Do you think she’ll hate me for it?”

  “Even if she did,” Riley had replied. “Guess you’ll never know. So, you’re fine either way.”

  Jan had laughed again, but he had found Riley’s arguments compelling enough. If he wanted to start building a life for himself, one that didn’t revolve around his mother, then he would have to take the assignment.

  He didn’t understand it. He was sure there were people who were more prepared for it than he was. But according to his supervisor, he had been carefully selected by the higher-ups. He was perfect for the job. He hadn’t even applied for a promotion, but he was happy to take his supervisor’s words at face value.

  He had moved to Danbury and kept his head down. He had a year to carry out his assignment and it already had been about four months. He didn’t think he would get demoted, not exactly, but a lot was riding on him doing his job right.

  Jan grabbed his backpack, stuck his hand in and took out the towel. He wiped his face and closed his eyes. Yoga was good because he got to forget about his job, at least for a little bit.

  The problem was that he couldn’t get the guy at the restaurant out of his mind. One of the perks of his job, if it could be called that, was the fact he got a thick dossier that detailed every person who worked for FinaSoft Corporation. It was constantly updated and he had to check it every day to make sure he was trying to become friendly with the right people. Elements was extremely popular with FinaSoft Corporation employees, but that wasn’t the only company around them. The restaurant was always slammed anyway, so it was important that he knew who was who.

  When Morgan had asked him out, he already knew exactly who he was.

  He guessed that he was just doing his job, but he didn’t think this was part of it. He couldn’t help but think about Morgan’s face every time he closed his eyes. He had been attracted to plenty of guys before, but Morgan’s face was doing something to him that no other man’s face had done ever since he was a teenager.

  There was something about him. Maybe it was the way he wrinkled his nose whenever he smiled or the smattering of freckles on his nose.

  He shook his head. He couldn’t afford to think about Morgan like that. He was just a tool, someone Jan needed to use to do his job. Jan couldn’t let himself develop feelings for anyone, definitely not for someone that he ultimately intended to use. No matter how cute he was or how adorable his freckles were.

  Chapter Five

  Morgan smiled at his reflection. He cleaned up nicely, he thought. The week had been something of a blur, and he was glad he was feeling like himself again. Learning to adjust to a new company, with new rules and expectations, along with a completely different culture, was proving to be something of a challenge. He had been fine back in Atlanta, and that had been his first job. Danbury was different, though, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it.

  There was that and the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about his date with Jan. He had avoided Elements as much as he could, though he had popped in for a couple of lunches with his team. Jan had been there every single time, winking at him and asking him how his day was going.

  Morgan hadn’t exactly planned on being out at his new workplace, but it was difficult not to reveal himself when Jan was around. He turned into a stupid bumbling teenager whenever he was around Jan, his cheeks and nose becoming a dark red color as he answered questions about what kind of sauces he wanted and if he wanted a side with that. They weren’t even personal questions, which was good, because he could already hardly resist the draw to flirt with Jan when there were people around. Most of the time, Jan was asking him if he wanted a cocktail or if he had already made up his mind
about what he wanted to order. What Jan was asking him didn’t matter, though. It was the sound of his voice, the fact that Jan was near him, so close to Morgan that he could almost smell him, that set him on edge. His coworkers knew, because his coworkers weren’t stupid, but they had hardly said anything.

  Sam had told him he had a single friend that he would be happy to set Morgan up with if things didn’t work out with the cute waiter. “After all,” Sam had said, looking him up and down, “you’re a catch. If I were gay, I would totally be all over that.”

  “Thanks,” Morgan had replied as he tried to stop himself from laughing.

  So, he knew that being around Jan must have accidentally outed him. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of being gay, it was just that it was something he didn’t tell people until they met his partner or they ran into each other at a gay club downtown. His team seemed to be extremely accepting, though, which made Morgan kind of pleased that this was the way they had found out about it. If things didn’t work out with Jan, maybe Morgan would take Sam up on his offer.

  He really wanted things to work out with Jan, though.

  Jan had texted him an address and a kissing emoticon, asking to be picked up at seven o’clock. Morgan had made reservations at a small hip place downtown, the only one with a consistent five stars on several of those restaurant aggregator sites. If things went well on their date that night, maybe they would go to a club once they were done. They would have a few drinks there. If Morgan got lucky, maybe Jan would want to come back to his place. Or maybe Morgan would get to see Jan’s, though he probably had roommates.

  Danbury was expensive. Some of his coworkers lived with roommates, even though the large majority of them were in their mid-thirties and earned six-figure salaries. It would only make sense that someone living on a waiter’s salary had roommates, which meant it would just make much more sense to go back to Morgan’s after their date was over. If things ever even got that far. He still needed to make sure he impressed Jan.