Hesitant Hearts Read online

  Gary pinched the bridge of his nose. “Definitely time for us to leave, Sven. For drinks.”

  “I’ll say,” Natasha put in politely, gathering her bag up from the floor and swinging it over one shoulder. “Good luck, Isaac. Happy hangover, Patrick.”

  Patrick watched them walk away from the table, patting Isaac’s arm gently until they’d disappeared into the throng. “I have been drunk too many times this week.”

  “So I hear,” Isaac said. His voice was even so Patrick couldn’t figure out whether he was pissed about it or not. Eventually, Isaac dropped his chin to Patrick’s head. “Maybe next time we go somewhere they don’t serve alcohol?”

  Pissed then. Great.

  Patrick sighed, looping an arm through Isaac’s. “Maybe we could go back to yours,” he suggested gently. “Not to do anything. Just to. You know, chill.”

  “We will definitely only be chilling,” Isaac said, and he was smiling now, so that was an improvement. “Consent is important, Wright.”

  Patrick knew that. To be fair to Isaac, it took him a while to realize that Isaac meant consent from him and he swallowed, twisting his fingers in Isaac’s shirt. He really was attractive, but also wholesome and kind, and it had been a long time since Patrick had been called either of those things. “Let’s go, then?”

  Isaac stared down at him, eyes going soft and Patrick couldn’t help but touch his jaw, draw him into a kiss. Patrick was aware he’d drunk a lot, still, Isaac kissed him anyway, hand sliding to the back of Patrick’s head and holding him in place, the kiss turning sloppy and wet. Patrick’s body was getting with the program and though he must have earned a pretty decent tolerance for alcohol, his dick was making valiant attempts to get going, but was failing. Pulling away, Patrick rested his hands on Isaac’s shoulders.

  It was a brilliant idea to make this legit instead of faking it, Patrick thought, and he pressed forward, burying his face in Patrick’s neck. He’d always been a sucker for affection and people touching him, drawing him in and taking care of him, and this was no exception.

  Isaac seemed only too willing, wrapping his arms around Patrick, and drawing him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

  “Does this feel weird to you?”

  Patrick could feel Isaac stiffen up and cursed his own stupidity for a beat, before Isaac blew out a breath, running his fingers through Isaac’s hair. It was more public than Patrick was used to being, but whatever, it was nice, and he wasn’t ashamed of himself or Isaac.

  “In what way?” Isaac asked.

  “We’ve had one date, we haven’t known each other that long and we’re already,” Patrick waved a hand to encompass the both of them. “Not that I hate it,” he hurried to say, in case Isaac thought he didn’t like it because he did. “I’m kind of into it actually, and I don’t want you to think I want it to stop.”

  “Patrick,” Isaac said, amused, cutting across whatever babble Patrick was gonna continue with. “It’s all right, I know what you meant.”

  Another pause, and Patrick pulled back a little, keeping his hand on Isaac’s chest, and Isaac’s hand was still in his hair, but Patrick could see Isaac’s expression. He didn’t seem annoyed, just contemplative, and eventually he sighed, lips quirking up into a smile.

  “I guess I’m just rolling with it. I like you, you like me, at least I think you do,” Isaac said, and though he was smiling, Patrick could see the hesitation there. He wasn’t the only one with self-esteem issues.

  “Duh,” Patrick breathed.

  “Well, then.” Isaac looked decisive. “Guess it doesn’t matter about the time, only what we do with it.”

  “Profound,” Patrick said, “though that could just be because I’m drunk.”

  Isaac laughed lightly and brushed another kiss to Patrick’s lips. “Come on, idiot, let’s get out of here.”

  “Idiot?” Patrick pretended to be scandalized as he shuffled out of the booth, and Isaac was there, hand resting at the base of Patrick’s spine. He bit back on a retort, knowing that Isaac didn’t mean anything by it, just wanted to be close to Isaac. “Rude, Isaac.”

  “Sorry,” Isaac said, completely unrepentant. “Let’s get a cab back to mine, it’s closer.”

  The idea of squeezing together into Isaac’s bed was the best idea ever, even if it was just Isaac wrapping around him and falling asleep together like that. In fact, Patrick’s body was beginning to fade, and all he wanted was to fall asleep with Isaac.

  Tumbling into a cab, Patrick shuffled closer to Isaac, who was only too happy to wrap an arm around his shoulders, kiss his temple, cheek. “Tonight was good.”

  “Yeah,” Isaac offered, nuzzling his nose into Patrick’s hair. “Drink less next time, yeah?”

  “Sure,” Patrick said, half-asleep, and he couldn’t be sure, but he thought maybe Isaac sighed in a way that was more resignation than belief.

  Chapter Nine

  There was a business trip that had been on the cards for months, and though things were still fresh with Isaac, Patrick was nervous about telling him that he would be gone.

  “Pick up the phone,” Eddie said. “He’s not gonna leave you, Tones.”

  “I know that,” Patrick snapped, even though that was exactly what his brain was telling him. He had almost texted Isaac the night before to let him know. Patrick had rethought that, because even he couldn’t be that person, but now he found it too difficult to pick up the phone and call him.

  There was something to be said for texting, Patrick thought. Eddie was still staring at him, Patrick could feel it, but whatever, it wasn’t easy. Isaac wasn’t going to be mad at him, this was a normal thing that normal people did, but they were just starting out and Patrick wasn’t sure how to do this in a way that was good for everyone, all right?

  “I’ll do it later,” Patrick said, turning back to his laptop.

  Eddie rolled his eyes, muttering something about cowardly boyfriends, but he clearly didn’t understand the nuances of Patrick’s relationship. Dating thing? Occasional stepping out?

  God, he sounded like an eighty-year-old man.

  There were plenty of projects that needed his attention, and he was definitely spending the week after the business trip catching up on everything he’d neglected. With that plan in mind, he set about moving all the coding projects he had onto his laptop to give himself something to occupy the downtime while he was in DC. He was snapped out of his work by his phone ringing and though he wanted desperately to ignore it – it would only be someone trying to annoy him – he could see Isaac’s picture on the screen and fumbled for it.

  “Hey,” he said, knowing he sounded like a lovesick idiot in front of Eddie, but what the fuck ever. It was his fault Patrick even knew Isaac, so he would just have to deal with it.

  “Patrick,” Isaac said. He was breathing heavy, so he’d clearly just got done with a run. Immediately, Patrick thought of the way he must look, hot and sweaty and flushed. It was enough to have his dick think hey, amazing. Shaking it off, eyes flicking to Eddie, who was engrossed in his work, Patrick smirked. He opened his mouth to say something, but Isaac was talking again. “Eddie says you have something to tell me?”

  “Does he,” Patrick said wryly, swiveling in his chair to stare at Eddie. His best friend was pretending to work, though from the smile on his face, the middle finger he was throwing Patrick over the top of his computer, he knew what he was doing.

  There was the sound of Isaac’s keys and Patrick could picture him outside the door, opening up into his living room, the couch and the TV. It would be tidy because apparently Isaac was a clean freak. “Patrick?”

  Patrick huffed a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m here.”

  “So?” Isaac said pointedly. He had the water running now, and Patrick didn’t know when he’d become one of those people who enjoyed listening to things on the phone, but apparently that was the case.

  “I have to go away for work.” Patrick blurted it out because he didn’t wanna keep drag
ging it out.

  Isaac paused, the water shutting off and something hitting the side. Patrick wondered if he was on speaker, but he didn’t think so. Isaac didn’t seem like the speaker type. “Okay?”

  There was no way to say it without standing stupid. “I didn’t wanna tell you. Because I thought you might leave.”

  There was silence from Isaac that was loaded. Patrick had to fight not to say something, to explain or just laugh it off. He stopped working, staring down at the laptop keyboard, until Isaac sighed slowly.

  “Patrick, why would I do that when you were working?”

  “Wouldn’t be the first time,” Patrick muttered. Then, louder, “This is new for me, you know? Someone who’s actually stuck around and not wanted something from me.”

  “Well,” Isaac said, and there was a smile in his voice. “I didn’t say I didn’t want something from you. Though,” he added, when Patrick huffed another laugh. “Several somethings.”

  Patrick tapped his fingers against the keyboard. “So, it’s for a week. But as soon as we get back, I’m gonna need to meet up with you as soon as possible.”

  Isaac laughed gently, and he was back to moving around his kitchen again, turning the water back on. “I dunno, Patrick, I might be pretty busy.”

  “Oh, it’s like that, is it, Carter?” Patrick asked, swiveling around in his chair and ignoring Eddie’s raised eyebrow.

  “Well you’re the one abandoning me,” Isaac said, pretending to cry. “For a whole week.”

  Patrick snorted, ignoring Eddie’s yell that he was going to get lunch, and whenever Patrick felt like hanging up on his boyfriend, he could text him what he wanted for lunch. Patrick’s heart did a lurch at the word boyfriend and he couldn’t deny that was exactly what he wanted Isaac to be. Or he was already. “I’ll make it up to you.”

  “You better.” Isaac’s voice was loaded with something, that Patrick hardly dared hope was real. Isaac was the first person that Patrick hadn’t tried to bed the moment he met him. That might have something to do with the fact that it had started with a joke – a fake relationship – and was now something real and tangible.

  “I will,” Patrick promised. He tipped his head back against his chair, smiling like an idiot.

  Isaac sighed, a happier sound than the previous one. “Call me.”

  Patrick said something nonsensical to cover up the love you that almost wanted to trip out of his mouth. It was definitely too early for that, would definitely ruin whatever they’d started.

  Focusing back on his laptop, a package dropping on the desk startled him and he looked up to see Eddie leaning against his desk, eyebrows raised in question.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” Patrick said. “You shouldn’t have texted him.”

  Eddie sighed. “Patrick, you would have stared at your phone for four hours and not contacted him until you were in DC.”

  “I would have called,” Patrick protested, though it was weak. Eddie knew him as well as he knew himself and yeah, he probably would have let it drag on until he had no choice but to text Isaac instead of calling him like a decent human being. Not that Patrick had ever claimed to be decent. “Fine, maybe I wouldn’t. Thanks, I guess.”

  “You’re welcome,” Eddie said. “So how sad are you?”

  It was Patrick’s turn to look unimpressed. “I’m not sad at all.”

  There was a pointed silence from Eddie, but Patrick was happy to ignore him. Being sad about leaving Isaac was a given. Just the way Patrick would miss anyone he was with, whether they were only sleeping together or in a relationship. Sure, Isaac was special, but it wasn’t like he didn’t have a phone. They could still talk.

  ***

  After his first meeting in DC, Patrick was willing to completely disregard his previous notion. When he was busy with tech and coding, he forgot how political it could be in the boardroom, and though Patrick was no stranger to playing that game, it still jarred him when he had to. All he wanted to do when he came out was go home and call Isaac to come around – or to let him come over. Except he would be going back to a hotel room, without Eddie and Rebecca who were still in meetings, and he could call Isaac, but it wouldn’t be the same as having Isaac in front of him.

  Was that weird after a week or so?

  Whatever, Patrick was a unique kind of guy.

  Shooting a text to Isaac to let him know when he’d be free to talk, Patrick decided to take a long shower and then find a few movies to watch until he fell asleep. The flight between DC and New York wasn’t long, but it was enough to throw Patrick off. Besides, just sitting in a board room for more than a few hours was enough to throw any guy off.

  He was shaken from sleep by his phone ringing and he fumbled for it, heart in his throat when he saw it was Isaac.

  “Hey,” he said, voice gravelly from sleep.

  “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

  Patrick snorted, wanting to make a joke, but the, “It’s fine,” slipped out before he could stop it. “Glad you called.”

  Isaac breathed on the end of the line for a beat or two. “I feel like an idiot for missing you already. It’s not like we spend every day together.”

  It helped to hear it from Isaac, to let him know that he wasn’t the only one affected like this. He huffed a laugh. “If you’re an idiot, then I am too. I spent the whole day wondering if it was too soon to text you.”

  “Pretty sure Natasha would call this the honeymoon period,” Isaac pointed out. He sounded more amused than irritated.

  “Eh,” Patrick said, waving his hand in a little circle, even though he knew Isaac couldn’t see it. He’d always been expressive with his hands. “I’d say that’s an apt description. Not that I think we should get married.”

  “Damn,” Isaac said, and he was still amused, but Patrick couldn’t help the way his heart flip-flopped when he thought about it. Get a grip, Wright, he chastised himself. “I was hoping there was a proposal in there for sure.”

  There was nothing Patrick could say to that, so he just sighed, rolling his head against the back of the couch. “Maybe someday,” he said, wistfully, not expecting for much in return.

  Thankfully Isaac didn’t push, and just settled for breathing into the phone. It was a happy silence, comfortable, and Patrick hadn’t had enough of those.

  “I can’t stay awake for long,” Isaac said, sounding apologetic. “I just wanted to call because – well, I think we’ve already talked about that.”

  “I miss you too,” Patrick said, because he couldn’t stop himself. There was usually a filter between his brain and his mouth when it came to emotional moments, but apparently that wasn’t the case here. He sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “I mean–”

  Isaac sounded warm. “I know what you meant, Patrick. I do miss you. We’ll just have to have dinner when you get back to New York.”

  “Obviously,” Patrick said immediately. “You’re paying, Carter.”

  “Maybe,” Isaac teased, though Patrick suspected they’d have a battle about that too. Though they had, so far, managed to take it in turns when paying for dinner, Patrick had the money, but Isaac was the kind of guy who’d be chivalrous and want to pay for everything. It was endearing, if Patrick was used to throwing his money at something and hoping it stuck.

  “I’ll speak to you later,” Patrick said eventually hating the way his voice had gone all soft and warm. Dammit.

  “Bye,” Isaac said, pausing afterward, like he wanted to say something else.

  Patrick hung up before he could, thumb hovering the option to shut the phone off. He almost didn’t want to; he wanted to text Isaac and tell him he was sorry, that he wanted to tell him…

  What? There was nothing Patrick could tell him that was true. Or, if it was true, nothing he wanted Isaac to know. It was too soon, wasn’t that what Bec and Eddie were always telling him? Slow down, let whatever was going to happen do so, but Patrick had never been good at sitting still and letting the world go on around him. He wanted to b
e in the thick of it, moving it along.

  Not that he was going to text Isaac now. The moment had passed.

  That didn’t stop him from texting Rebecca and letting her know just what he thought about having to be away from Isaac.

  Don’t be a baby, Rebecca texted back quickly. It’s a week, not a month. You’ll survive.

  She was right, obviously, but that didn’t mean Patrick had to like it.

  Chapter Ten

  “I’ve never seen you like this,” Rebecca said.

  Patrick frowned, typing out a reply to the message Isaac had sent about whether or not he should get a dog. Did that mean he was thinking about replacing Patrick? Not that he saw himself as easily exchanged for a dog, but the thought was there anyway.

  “Patrick?” Rebecca kicked him in the shin, and he looked up, brow furrowed.

  “What?” He snapped. “I am in the middle of a crisis, Bec.”

  “Unless it’s a work-related crisis,” Rebecca started, “which I know it’s not because I would know too, then it can’t be that bad.”

  Patrick paused, knowing that if he spoke his next words aloud, he would be mocked for them. Still, it was that or sit and brood for the next couple of hours, and he’d had enough of that in his lifetime thus far. “Isaac’s thinking of getting a dog.”

  Rebecca rolled her eyes as soon as Isaac’s name left Patrick’s lips, but then her mouth was quirking up in amusement. “Aw, what kind?”

  “Rebecca,” Patrick said, pausing to let her know just how serious this was. “He’s getting a dog. What if he’s–”

  He cut himself off. The idea of speaking the words aloud were embarrassing enough that he didn’t actually want to do it. Rebecca still managed to look amused anyway, sighing and placing a hand on Patrick’s knee, squeezing gently.

  “I know you’re messed up in there,” she said, waving her free hand in the direction of his face. “But I don’t think Isaac’s thinking about replacing you with a dog, Patrick. I think he just wants a dog and he’s asking you because you’re important to him.”