Noble Hearts Read online

  Theodore collapsed into his chair with a loud laugh. "But I do care. I care very much. It is only human to care."

  "And yet despite caring you manage to handle such uncomfortable situations with so much ease?" Edmond said with a sigh. "I suppose that is not something you can be taught."

  Theodore fell silent.

  Edmond cursed himself and tried to sip his tea again, finding it a bit easier this time. It was awful. But he did not feel brave enough to ask for something better.

  He wished that Theodore would start talking again. He wanted to get to know the young man. Edmond wanted to get closer to him. But Edmond found it difficult enough to just talk to a person he had no emotions toward. Theodore was impossible.

  And, like everyone else, Theodore assumed Edmond knew all he needed to know about socializing. Theodore acted like these social skills were not something one could learn. Perhaps he was right. After all, in all his years studying under the former Earl, Edmond had not learned these skills.

  His chest was tightening as they sat there in silence. He just wanted to talk some more, but he had no clue how to. He felt like a failure.

  Had he known he would feel these emotions for another man, had he known that man would be there, Edmond would not have stayed at the Elridges' place.

  Chapter Nine

  Theodore could tell that Edmond was attracted to him. It was not exactly a huge revelation. Theodore knew that men experienced such things for other men, and women for other women. It was no secret that in many noble circles young men would indulge their carnal lusts for one another behind their wives' backs.

  And, the more the tension grew between them, the less Theodore could wait to discover if Edmond was one such noble who might be willing to indulge his lusts with Theodore. Although Theodore had experienced a few interesting things as a boy and a young man at various schools, including the tutors' training program, he had never once had the full experience of intercourse with a man. A few chase kisses, awkward fondling through pants and pajamas, even pleasuring themselves side by side, watching the other. But never that touch, that feel of another man's hot erection against his own, the moment of reaching climax against one another's body.

  He knew there was a way, but he wasn't even sure of the precise details. All he knew was that when he overheard ladies yearning for their partners' "member" inside them, he identified with that same yearning to be filled and used.

  At lunch, the Elridges seemed more than happy to talk about Edmond's status and reasons for being there. Theodore wished he had the attention span to take in all this information, but he did not. He was entirely absorbed in watching Edmond.

  Although the man was so formidable, he was oddly awkward, in a way that Theodore could not help but find endearing. He was well over six foot two, with broad shoulders, a muscular neck and arms, and hints of hair on his hands, wrists, and neck which suggested that he might have a considerable amount of blond hair all over. He had a deep, booming, bass voice, with a growl that could send shivers down Theodore's spine instantly. His dark gray eyes were piercing, like looking into the face of an animal. Add to that his wealth and his title, and he ought to be one of the most intimidating men Theodore had ever seen.

  And yet he was not. He was clumsy. He was distracted. He was shy and kept his voice lower than he truly had to. Everything about Edmond seemed designed to reduce him, to make him shrink into himself and all but disappear.

  As lunch came to a close and the Elridges departed, satisfied that their guest was happy, Theodore approached Edmond, wondering if it was worth trying his luck just yet. But if not now, when?

  "Did you enjoy the meal?" Theodore asked, taking Edmond by the hand as casually as possible and guiding him down a hallway, into a broom closet.

  Edmond did not resist but seemed to suddenly awaken from a daze as he realized where he was. "Why are we in a closet?" he asked.

  Theodore shrugged. "I wanted to talk to you. I am glad you invited me to lunch with you," Theodore said, stepping in a little closer, leaning in slowly.

  Edmond did not move. His breathing grew heavier. In the faint light, Theodore could see that Edmond was blushing, smiling a little, gazing down into Theodore's eyes. Theodore felt certain that this was it. This would be his introduction to a world he had only ever dreamed of.

  His lips met Edmond's. He was not sure why, but it felt so natural to do, so wonderful and so very pure. Edmond kissed Theodore back, their mouths moving together gently, faints moans rising from Edmond's lips. Theodore felt his heart race and a faint perspiration break out over his face at the thought of getting caught. He parted their lips.

  "Shush," he whispered gently. "Let us not get caught."

  Edmond tensed up, then nodded, and leaned back in for another kiss. Theodore obliged. This was more perfect than he had ever imagined.

  It was not that he had not done this before. These games were very common among young men. But Theodore understood that he was not a simple young man any more, and Edmond was not another student. There was a myriad of things they could explore together that younger people were not able to. And they were at greater risk if they were discovered, though Theodore could not make up his mind whether that threat was exciting or petrifying.

  Suddenly, Edmond broke the kiss, stepping back, leaning against the wall of the closet.

  "We ought not do this," Edmond said, panting a little, placing his hands on Theodore's hips. "I do not believe it is right."

  "Why not?" Theodore asked.

  "Is anything one does behind the closed doors of a broom closet right?" Edmond asked back.

  Theodore hesitated. "Well, I suppose if one puts it that way, then no. But is anyone right all the time?"

  Edmond froze.

  Theodore stepped aside. "The door is there, if you should require it."

  Illuminated by the faint light, he could see Edmond swallow hard, look at the door, and not move an inch. Theodore placed his hand on Edmond's chest, feeling Edmond's heart beating. Theodore's hand gently slid down. He let out a gasp as he felt how solid and well-sculpted Edmond's abdomen was, more so than any young laborer. After caressing Edmond's defined muscles a few more seconds, Theodore's hand slid down over Edmond's crotch, feeling Edmond's proud erection tightening his pants, a drop of precum leaking through already.

  "Do you wish for me to continue?" Theodore whispered in Edmond's ear.

  "I do," Edmond gasped back.

  Theodore took his place between Edmond and the door once more. He was not sure why he was doing this, or even what he was doing, but he was going to give it his all. Instinctively, he ground his crotch against Edmond's, wanting to feel Edmond's erection against his own, wanting the relief of a little pressure.

  Edmond ground back, stifling a moan by biting his own hand. Edmond's erection felt hot to the touch, even through the fabrics of their clothes. Theodore adored it. He wanted more. Unfastening his belt, he let his pants drop, his erection springing free and brushing against the silky soft fabric of Edmond's pants. Theodore leaned in against Edmond's chest, feeling the hardness of the muscle, inhaling the sweetness of Edmond's perfumed clothes.

  Theodore felt flesh brush against his hard penis, and the sensation was indescribable. He glanced down.

  Edmond had unclipped his own suspenders and lowered his pants slightly also. It was the first real, adult penis Theodore had seen but his own, and he felt bad that he could not get a better look at it. Instead, he wrapped his hand around it, feeling how hard and firm it was, feeling it throb. It was so soft and silky. Even more so than his own. The foreskin rolled and glided and stretched with each stroke. The precum was sticky and slick.

  Theodore raised his hand to his mouth and tasted it. He was unable to hold back the moan that rose. The taste, so sweet and salty, musky and meaty, so absolutely sensual, was something he felt he had been waiting for his entire adult life.

  Leaning in, he kissed Edmond once more, making sure Edmond knew what his own juices tasted of
, grinding their cocks together again. Edmond moaned too, slipping his tongue between Theodore's lips, placing his hands on Theodore's hips, humping gently against Theodore's body.

  Theodore continued pressing his body lightly against Edmond's, feeling their erections press against one another delightfully. But it was not enough. Reaching down, he wrapped his hand around both of them at once and began to pump.

  At first it was a little dry, but then it became more comfortable as their combined precum lubricated Theodore's fingers. It felt like he was simply stroking himself, and yet it was so much more. The movement of Edmond's erection with each and every thrust was something new, unanticipated, exciting. The gasps and moans from Edmond's lips set every one of Theodore's nerves on edge. He could not control himself.

  Thrusting into his own hand, gripping their erections harder, he could feel Edmond become even firmer than before, his penis tensing and flexing a little. At first, Theodore could not work out what was going on. Then it struck him. He began to pump harder and faster, trying to help bring Edmond over the edge. It was delicious. Before he knew it, the raw eroticism of the situation was bringing him close as well.

  As he felt Edmond's penis throb and pulse in his hand, as he felt Edmond's seed land on his own fingers and drip down. Theodore could not hold back. He reached his climax. As he was about to moan, Edmond clapped a hand over Theodore's mouth. Theodore all but screamed into the hand. He had never felt pleasure like this before on his own.

  Collapsing against Edmond's body, Theodore felt giddy, confused... and oddly complete.

  He had been waiting for something like this for so very long, and now he had finally experienced it. It was pure magic. It was a delight. He sighed and nuzzled Edmond's chest gently, trying to regain his breath, wondering how they would hide the stains on the way to their own quarters to wash and change.

  Chapter Ten

  Edmond felt confused. He was angry and disappointed in himself. Upset that he had led another man down the same path. But mostly confused.

  He had not known any other man to ever feel like this about men. He had not known it was even possible. He had simply assumed he was an abomination. And yet, if Theodore was willing to engage in such... carnal explorations with Edmond, then it could not be so rare. Theodore planted kisses on Edmond's chest through his shirt, and Edmond felt like he was in pure heaven. He wanted that moment to last forever.

  Holding Theodore there, in the cupboard, Edmond could feel his heart racing, sweat dripping down the nape of his neck, the pain in his hand from where he had used it to gag himself. None of these were bad feelings. Yet he could not help but feel bad about them. He felt he had done something dirty, unwholesome, offensive to man and God.

  After all, what sort of good things ever took place hiding in a closet?

  He never wanted to leave, though. It felt like a sort of sanctuary, a place for them both to hide and rest, an ideal, protective wall between them and the rest of the world, between them and even their own judgment.

  But Theodore left, with a wry smile and a twinkle in his eyes, and quickly rushed up the hallway, presumably to his own room, to get changed. Edmond knew he ought to leave and seek the guests' quarters. To wash and don some new clothes. To act as though none of this had ever happened before and would never happen again. It was easier to imagine than it was to do.

  Sneaking out of the closet was humiliating. And yet he had followed Theodore there. He had been given opportunities to leave and he had not. During the act, he had enjoyed it, participated eagerly, and given himself up. It was only now, as he tried to make sense of what he had done, that remorse struck him.

  He hated himself all the more as he realized that he had wanted it, encouraged it, and been an active participant. The one moment where he had resisted his own desires, Theodore had offered to let him leave. And yet Edmond had been paralyzed by his own lust and curiosity, had stayed, had asked for more.

  And now he had sinned beyond redemption. He had no doubt about this.

  If it was wrong for a man to feel about men how Edmond felt about Theodore, then... then this was worse. This was beyond wrong. It had to be that abomination which the Bible spoke of. And he wanted to strip his body of it.

  In his quarters, Edmond removed all his clothes, awkwardly rubbing the stains with some bar soap in the hopes that they would be less obvious. He washed his own skin down and immediately put on a fresh pair of drawers and a fresh undershirt. He could not even bear to look at those parts of his body. They had betrayed him. He knew what he had done was something which had been condemned for thousands of years.

  There was a knock at the door, making Edmond nearly jump out of his skin. "Who goes there?" he asked.

  "It is only me," Theodore's voice came.

  Edmond knew the correct thing would be to avoid temptation. To turn Theodore away. Still, he slipped on a dressing gown, opened the door and, once they were alone again, embraced Theodore. He had not experienced anything this wonderful ever before. How could this be sin? How could this be wrong?

  "I am sorry," Theodore said, embracing Edmond back. "I should not have… We should not have..."

  "I know we should not have," Edmond replied, stepping back. "But what is done is done."

  Some part of him wanted to fight this, wanted to tell Theodore to leave and to never do such a dreadful thing again. That part of him was small but loud as it condemned them both. He did not want it. He wanted to break it and throw it away. He wanted to murder that little voice.

  Now Edmond realized that he had never been as happy as he was back in the closet with Theodore. He had never felt such bliss, such euphoria. Had he not been told it was wrong, he would have assumed it was the most precious gift given from above, a heavenly prize from whatever majestic supernatural being loved him.

  But he had been told it was wrong, and it left his heart and mind at odds with one another.

  "I feel as though this was supposed to happen," Theodore said, echoing Edmond's thoughts. "I know we should not have but I am glad we did."

  Edmond felt a chill. He reminded himself of the evils of temptation, of how every sin came with a thousand demons begging mankind to commit it. Theodore was no demon, though. Theodore was almost angelic, truth be told, with his long, wavy brown hair and deep, warm brown eyes. He looked like some paintings of angels and saints more than he resembled anything wicked.

  "I hope I did not insult you," Theodore said, caressing Edmond's chest, sending a warm tickling sensation down Edmond's spine. "I only did what I felt compelled to."

  "You do not need to make so many efforts to justify yourself. I am as guilty as you. It is only that I had never before met another man like me- Like us," he whispered into Theodore's ear, holding the smaller man close. "I thought I was the only one. It is confusing, a shock. I must take time to-" He was not sure what he needed time to do, how to explain it. All he knew was he needed time away from Theodore, time away from temptation.

  "I believe I understand," Theodore said, stepping back with a meek smile. "I apologize for having caused so much turmoil. I was thinking of nobody but myself."

  The realization struck Edmond. He was in conflict specifically because Theodore was so precious, so gentle, so kind. He was the very picture of beauty, innocence, and grace. Theodore himself may not be a demon, but just because he was gorgeous did not mean he was not an agent of temptation. After all, temptation was supposed to be tempting.

  It was hard for Edmond to think how anything to do with this wonderful man could be wicked. But that was the only explanation. He was a test, there to tempt Edmond and lead him astray. And Edmond had to brace himself and resist.

  "I must dress," Edmond said, stepping further back and hoping that he would have the strength to overcome his own desires.

  Chapter Eleven

  Theodore watched intently as Edmond proceeded to search his chest for some fresh clothes. For Theodore, a change of clothes was a simple matter. For someone who dressed as extr
avagantly as Edmond, it was a little more complex. It was fascinating to watch. Theodore himself had never paid much attention to the routines of others when he was younger. He had scarcely paid attention to his own routine as a young man. And, by the time he might have endured some of the pressures which plagued Edmond, he was already fallen from grace, as it were. There was something uncanny, familiar and yet alien, about the meticulous way in which Edmond layered up his clothes.

  It was times like this when Theodore did not regret his fall from nobility. Nobody cared what he wore, so long as it was reserved and clean. Nobody would notice if a tutor were in old fashions, or a little drab. People like the Earl, like Theodore's own uncle, had an image to maintain.

  Suddenly, Edmond froze, turning to see Theodore scrutinizing him. His face flushed. Theodore knew the proper thing would be to look away, but Edmond looked so... sweet. So precious. So handsome and delicate and wonderful as he stood there, frozen by his own shame and confusion.

  "Mr. Smithe," Edmond began.

  Theodore raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Your Grace?"

  "I am changing," Edmond replied.

  "Nothing I have not seen," Theodore added. He was not sure why he did this. But he wanted to see more awkwardness, more shame, more flushed cheeks and trembling hands. It suited Edmond.

  "I would rather you turned away," Edmond said. There was a slight shake to his voice as he spoke. "It is the decent thing."

  Theodore slowly turned around, making a point of delaying each step. He wondered if Edmond would notice how deliberately slow Theodore was being. He wondered if Edmond would challenge him on it. "Do you mind so badly?" Theodore asked once he was completely turned around.

  "I am sure you understand not wanting to feel exposed like this," Edmond replied amid the sounds of his chest opening and clothes being moved around.

  "I have seen and felt more," Theodore said. "And yet I suppose we must act as though such an affair never took place?"

  Silence fell. Edmond must have been entirely still as he contemplated Theodore's words. Theodore wanted to wait for Edmond to reply on his own, but Theodore was not a patient man. He couldn't help but tap his foot at least, then, when no reply came, he looked over his shoulder.