Hesitant Hearts Read online

  Isaac frowned. “You don’t have any bullshit.”

  “Isaac,” Patrick said, his tone turning a little more self-deprecating. “Pretending that does both of us a disservice. I have bullshit and they’ve dealt with it.”

  Still looking unhappy, Isaac thankfully didn’t refute him. Patrick was seized with a brief moment of panic that maybe Isaac honestly thought he was some paragon of virtue. He’d been drunk in front of Isaac, though, and he’d been mouthy. Patrick shoved it down, tugging on Isaac’s arm. “Come on, or we’ll be late. Then you’ll really have to face down my pissed off friends.”

  Relaxing, Isaac fell back into step with him and Patrick was glad for the reprieve. He didn’t know how to handle Isaac’s attempt to protect him from – who, Rebecca and Eddie? – it was endearing but Patrick couldn’t keep himself from thinking about it. Patrick wasn’t going to sugar coat anything he said and did. He could be a difficult guy to get along with, and there were reasons his relationships didn’t work, for all that he liked to pretend there weren’t.

  Rebecca and Eddie weren’t pissed when they strolled in ten minutes late, either because they assumed Isaac and Patrick had paused for make outs, something Patrick was wishing they had done instead, or because they knew Patrick’s track record for arriving places on time.

  “We ordered drinks,” Eddie said. “Hope you boys don’t mind having soda first.”

  “Sounds good,” Isaac said, leaning down to kiss Rebecca’s cheek in greeting. Patrick did the hands; much more dramatic and memorable for introductions, but he supposed with friends, it was different. Not that Patrick wasn’t suave and charming, but Isaac was much better at it. “Hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

  “We’re only ten minutes late,” Patrick groused, sliding into one of the seats. Isaac rolled his eyes and sat down. “Don’t make that face at me, Carter. You’re the one who wanted to have a heart-to-heart in the middle of the street.

  Isaac looked unimpressed. “You kissed me.”

  “True,” Patrick said, flashing Eddie and Rebecca a grin. “He’s irresistible, what can I say?”

  It was hilarious because they still had yet to do anything past showering together. Patrick was sure if he tried to confide in Rebecca and Eddie about that, they wouldn’t believe him.

  Rebecca sipped from her wine glass, eyeing Patrick over the top of it. “You couldn’t wait an hour or two?”

  Patrick shrugged, but it was Eddie who spoke, leaning across the table and narrowing his eyes, as if he was going to figure Patrick out just from staring at him. As far as Patrick was aware, only Isaac had that superpower.

  “Heart to heart? You guys have your first fight?”

  “No, we had that about Isaac’s dog,” Patrick said immediately, smiling smoothly.

  “I remember,” Rebecca said. “Patrick was complaining because he thought you were going to replace him with a dog.”

  Isaac frowned, placing his glass back down on the table without taking a sip from it. “You didn’t tell me that.”

  Rebecca’s eyes widened a fraction. Patrick sighed, scratching at the back of his head and trying not to look Isaac in the eye. He didn’t say anything, didn’t want Isaac to think he was being petty and hadn’t Rebecca talked him out of being stupid anyway?

  “It doesn’t matter,” Patrick said quickly. “You getting a dog is fine.”

  Eddie broke the following pause. “Patrick can be an idiot, Isaac.”

  It did the trick, thankfully, and Isaac blew out a breath, more a laugh than a sigh. “Don’t I know it.” His smile was almost fond, and Patrick’s breath caught in his throat.

  “Damn,” Eddie said, sitting back in his seat, sliding his fingers up and down his glass as he stared between them. “And here we were, thinking we’d have to let you know just what would happen if you fucked this up.”

  “I hope you’re talking to Isaac,” Patrick said, because the moment was stretching into a Moment and he was getting uncomfortable. “Because I would never.”

  Despite it being at his expense, Rebecca, Isaac, and Eddie burst out laughing, and satisfaction pooled low in Patrick’s belly. He kept his attention on the three of them as they ate, Isaac getting on with Eddie and Rebecca like they’d been friends for years. It wasn’t a surprise; they had a similar sense of humor and had a shared interest in Patrick himself.

  The waiter came out with the dessert menus, effectively cutting short the conversation, and Patrick shook his head. He was full enough from dinner, but Rebecca and Eddie insisted on sticking around some more, to have some cake.

  Isaac didn’t look particularly interested either way, but he was watching Patrick carefully, his eyes darting down Patrick’s body. Patrick had taken his jacket off, obviously, but he didn’t think there was anything appealing about his body in a T-shirt, but Isaac apparently disagreed.

  “You guys don’t have to stick around,” Rebecca said amused. “If you have something better you need to do.”

  Isaac’s blush was in full force when Patrick snorted. “No, we’d love to stick around and watch you eat.”

  Eddie shrugged with one shoulder. “Whatever you guys wanna do.”

  Patrick’s friends were smartasses. “As fun as this is,” Patrick said, kicking Eddie under the table. “You two enjoy your dessert. Isaac and I have places to be.”

  “We can’t leave in the middle of dinner,” Isaac protested, grabbing Patrick’s wrist.

  “Isaac,” Rebecca explained patiently. “Patrick never sticks around for dessert. This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last.”

  Isaac looked embarrassed and uncertain, so Patrick sighed, dropping back into his chair. “I’m sorry, I just can’t – my mom said never–”

  “You’re too good,” Patrick said. The for me was implied, and Patrick could tell that Eddie and Rebecca picked up on it, but Isaac didn’t seem to.

  “I’m just polite, Patrick.” Isaac nudged him.

  Watching his friends eat dessert should have been boring, but Isaac was talking to him, focusing most of his attention on him, and Patrick sank into the attention, playing with the spoon the server left at the table. Patrick couldn’t really focus on anything Isaac was talking about, just liked watching his enthusiasm and interest, and he thought back to The Met, to the joy on Isaac’s face as they’d walked through the galleries, and then up to the garden.

  Patrick didn’t know where he would take Isaac if he wanted to do the same thing. Would he take Isaac to his job? Back to the apartment? Isaac had seen both of those and they weren’t exactly Patrick’s favorite place to be. He was in his thirties and he still didn’t have something he really loved to focus on; that was pretty fucking sad.

  Maybe Isaac wouldn’t care that much that Patrick only had work and home. It wasn’t that weird. Much.

  Isaac broke him out of his reverie by pushing back his chair, hand on Patrick’s arm. “You all right there?”

  Patrick blinked, realizing that Rebecca was reaching for her coat, and Eddie was talking with the server, paying the bill. Patrick scowled – Eddie knew he always picked up the food bill, and from the smirk on Eddie’s face, he knew it too.

  “Fine,” Patrick said, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair. “Just thinking.”

  “About Isaac, probably,” Rebecca said, and she had clearly been spending too much time with Natasha.

  Isaac flushed, and Patrick sighed.

  “I can go an hour without thinking about Isaac, you know.”

  “Only an hour?” Eddie cut in, shoving his wallet in his back pocket. “That’s some kind of record.”

  There was a pleased smile on Isaac’s face and Patrick couldn’t bring himself to protest too much. It was dark outside, a light rain starting up and Patrick groaned, wondering whether they should call a cab.

  “We should walk,” Isaac said decisively.

  “If he gets a cold, or sick in any way, it’ll be on your head,” Rebecca informed him primly, though she darted in to kis
s Isaac’s cheek. “Thanks for dinner. You’ll do.”

  “I’m glad you approve.” Isaac’s tone was dry, and Patrick smothered a laugh by dragging Eddie into a hug.

  “Thanks for grilling him, bestie.”

  “Advantages of being said bestie,” Eddie said, his lip curling against the word. Patrick wasn’t offended; Eddie could pretend he didn’t call Patrick bestie in his own head, but they both knew it was a lie.

  Patrick gave Rebecca a hug, turning his face against her, kissing her cheek. “Love you.”

  “Love you too, Patrick,” she said, stepping back to loop her arm through Eddie’s. “See you at work tomorrow.”

  “Sure,” Patrick said easily, waiting for Eddie and Rebecca to turn away, before tangling his fingers with Isaac’s. “Shall we?”

  Isaac grinned, lips quirking. “You don’t mind the rain?”

  “Not if you don’t.”

  The walk back to the apartment might be wet and cold, but Patrick felt a warmth settle in his chest as he gripped Isaac’s hand.

  Chapter Fourteen

  They were soaked through by the time they entered the lobby of the apartment building. Isaac’s hair was drenched, and Patrick was dripping water onto the floor, waving off help from the security desk. The sooner they got up to his apartment and into the warm, the better.

  “We could have a shower,” Isaac said, crowding Patrick up against the back of the elevator, hands on Patrick’s hips. He hadn’t even waited for the doors to close, and over his shoulder, Patrick could see the security guys trying – and failing – not to stare.

  The mouth on his neck forced Patrick back into the moment, and he raised his eyebrows. “We had one this morning.”

  Isaac didn’t say anything, pulling back from Patrick’s neck to stare down at him, eyes dark, tongue flicking out to lick at his bottom lip.

  “Not that I care,” Patrick continued, sliding his hands up, under Isaac’s jacket and shirt. “Showering with someone else definitely has its benefits.”

  “Not using up all the hot water,” Isaac pointed out, mouth close to Patrick’s lips. His breath was hot on Patrick’s face and fuck, he smelt so good. The cologne he’d put on before the restaurant was still lingering.

  Patrick shivered when Isaac’s mouth captured his in a kiss, tongue sliding effortlessly between Patrick’s teeth. When they parted, Isaac’s hands slipped down to Patrick’s ass, grabbing handfuls. “Efficient.”

  Isaac made a noise that might have been a laugh if it wasn’t covered by another kiss, this time to Patrick’s jaw. Patrick tipped his head back, giving Isaac easier access to his neck, and felt his dick finally take note. Shifting forward, Isaac had their hips flush, their dicks pressed together, and Patrick groaned, eyes slipping closed as Isaac ground against him, a fissure of pleasure racing up his spine.

  “Please,” Patrick muttered.

  Isaac breathed, “soon,” into Patrick’s ear, kissing down his jaw, back to his mouth. It was hotter than it had any right to be, and Patrick was contemplating letting Isaac have his wicked way with him right here in the elevator when the door chimed, sliding open onto the penthouse floor. Patrick wouldn’t have minded if other people shared his floor – he was always up for showing off the fact that he had Isaac – but was glad when he could back Isaac up to the door of his apartment, without somebody interrupting them. He fumbled in his pocket for the card.

  “Having trouble?” Isaac asked, biting at Patrick’s jaw, sucking the skin between his teeth. He was making it really difficult to concentrate on unlocking the door.

  “No,” Patrick bit out, deciding to abandon the door and focus his attention on Isaac. He backed Isaac up against the wall, cupping the front of his jeans. Isaac groaned, head thunking against the wall, and Patrick fought the urge to drop to his knees. He wanted to get his mouth around Isaac’s dick, drive him crazy, but he didn’t want this to be over so soon. Finally, Patrick shoved the card into the door and kicked it open. “Finally.”

  Isaac regained his control, stopping Patrick just inside the apartment, shutting the door with one hand, the other curling around the back of Patrick’s neck, drawing him in for a kiss. Patrick’s lips were going to be numb if he kept this up, though he didn’t mind so much. Dragging Isaac closer, Patrick attacked his mouth, closing his eyes, moaning into Isaac’s mouth. Isaac’s hand popped the button of his jeans, easing the zipper down gently. The water made it difficult, the jeans must have felt as awful on Isaac as they did on Patrick, but there was relief for his dick, and he jerked forward at the touch, whimpering when Isaac’s hand slipped into his briefs, circling his dick. “Fuck.”

  “Good?” Isaac asked. He didn’t wait for a reply, fisting his free hand in Patrick’s hair and tipping his head to the side, sucking at the juncture of his neck. Patrick wasn’t used to being manhandled, preferring to be the one that did the manhandling, but he couldn’t deny that his dick jumped in Isaac’s hand, a spurt of precum beading the tip. When Isaac backed off, he could see the head of his dick poking out the waistband of his briefs, and he swallowed.

  “Isaac,” Patrick said, dragging Isaac’s mouth back to his, biting at his bottom lip. “Please.”

  Isaac fumbled with Patrick’s jeans, shoving them down around his thighs, and got a good grip on Patrick’s cock. “Look at you,” Isaac said, sounding almost awed. “So desperate for it.”

  “Shut up,” Patrick groused, thrusting into the circle of Isaac’s fingers. “So would you if I had my hand on your dick.”

  “Probably,” Isaac allowed, smirking, leaning in to Patrick’s neck and sucking back at the skin. “Still, s’your dick, you moaning.”

  Patrick opened his mouth to protest when Isaac’s thumb swiped the head, smearing precum and leaving Patrick’s knees weak, clutching at Isaac’s shoulders. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like this, since meeting Isaac and before, and Patrick felt as if he had been waiting for so, so long. “Isaac.”

  “It’s all right,” Isaac said gently, brushing a hand through Patrick’s hair, tangling his fingers in tight and keeping Patrick’s head in place, mouth against Patrick’s. It was all Patrick could do to focus on the two points of contact, the fingers currently stroking a steady rhythm against his shaft, and the other tight around his hair, strong enough to sting but not hurt outright.

  “I don’t wanna cum yet,” he bit out, hips thrusting gently into Isaac’s hands. “Wanna cum on your dick.”

  “Fuck,” Isaac groaned, hand stuttering and stopping, still wrapped around Patrick’s dick.

  Dirty talk was apparently a go, and though Patrick could think of plenty of things he wanted to say, he couldn’t make his mouth work.

  “Maybe I want you to cum now,” Isaac said, and oh God, he did something with his wrist that had Patrick’s dick paying a lot of attention and leaking over Isaac’s fingers and when Patrick looked down, resting his forehead on Isaac’s shoulder, he let out a whine at the sight. His dick was thick, glistening with precum, and Isaac’s hand looked oddly pale against Patrick’s skin and fuck, oh, Patrick was saying Isaac’s name, at least he thought he was, thrusting into Isaac’s strokes and fuck, fuck, “Yeah, come on, Patrick.”

  Patrick was surprised by the orgasm, starting at the base of his spine, and rolling over him, clutching at Isaac and sure his legs wouldn’t be able to hold him up.

  “I’ve got you,” Isaac said, wrapping an arm around Patrick’s waist, working him through his orgasm until Patrick was whimpering, sensitive, and tapping at Isaac’s arm.

  “Stop, I can’t.”

  Isaac kissed his temple, the side of his face. “All right?”

  “Duh,” Patrick said, nuzzling Isaac’s face until he could kiss him on the mouth. “Good orgasm.”

  Laughing, Isaac kissed back, staring down at his hand. “I could clean this off,” he said, almost conversationally, “or we could take this to the bed and get dirty enough to shower.”

  Patrick wasn’t sure which of those suggestions he
wanted more.

  “I do have to repay the favor,” Patrick said, shoving Isaac back and gesturing toward the bedroom. He stared pointedly at Isaac’s dick, straining against his pants. “I could blow you.”

  Isaac’s eyes dilated, his lips wet and pink from kissing, and God, Patrick wanted to keep kissing, wanted to spread him out on the bed and fuck him.

  “Or I could fuck you,” Patrick said, and Isaac followed willingly, unable to keep his mouth from Patrick’s. Patrick wasn’t complaining, keeping his hands on Isaac’s hips as they walked backwards, grinding their hips together, appreciating the gasps and moans whispered against Patrick’s lips.

  “Now who’s desperate for it,” Patrick asked, shedding Isaac’s shirt, hearing it hit the ground with a wet slap, but was once again unable to tear his eyes away from the cut of Isaac’s abs, his muscles, the strength as he manhandled Patrick over to the bed. He really was unfairly attractive, and Patrick’s hindbrain cheered and yowled that he had him, that Isaac wanted him. “Maybe I’ll put my mouth on your dick.”

  Isaac groaned, sitting on the edge of the bed, and Patrick shoved at his shoulders until he fell back. Patrick dropped to his knees, ignoring the twinge, and undid the buttons on Isaac’s jeans, tugging them down. Again, the rainwater made it hard, but Isaac just grinned, Patrick smothering a laugh as he pulled them all the way off, throwing them in the direction of the wet shirt. When he looked back, Isaac was stretched out, arm over his eyes and the other twisting in the sheets. Patrick’s lips quirked up, interested to see how his demeanor would change as Patrick sucked him off.

  Isaac’s dick was straining against the confines of his briefs, a wet patch forming on the gray material, and Patrick’s mouth watered. He pushed up on his heels, fingers wrapping around the base of Isaac’s dick, watching the jump of Isaac’s stomach, the way his fingers clenched tighter around the sheets.